The Fluff Returneth
by Syvia
Summary: -Complete- Well, I, the Narrator, am back with the girls and their squirrel. Maybe this adventure will go better than the first? Nahhhh, not with me around!
1. The Third Wheel and Where it Rolls

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. 

Author's Notes: 

Syvia- Do too!

Do not!

Syvia- Do too!

Anamae- SHUT UP! *they do* God I've had to listen to that since the last chapter of Part 1! *rolls eyes* Let's acknowledge the reviews from chapter 12 and get on with it? *mutters* No wonder I'm insane- I have to put up with Syvia and a disembodied head!

*The two girls are sitting in the Red Raven Pub of Meredian, drinking some of the fine fine ale and watching the world slowly fade out into a haze. Anamae picks up a large mug, blows off the foam and chugs it down quickly. Syvia and the Narrator were drinking some vintage wine, but they've cut Syvia off, as she turned into a motor mouth after the first glass. Bucky has contented himself to having a peanut butter milkshake.*

Anamae- Now... we identified only one of the anonymous reviewers at the time we were writing this, because ff.net was screwy for a bit. 

Syvia- The one we recognized was the Cat of Fluff- because she meowed constantly and then was kind enough to translate the meowing so-

Anamae- *cutting her off* But now we have the other names. Aside from that, we've decided to take a pole.

Syvia- Where're we planning on taking it?

Anamae- *cold glare* Don't make me gag you.

Syvia- *snickers into her goblet*

Anamae- Did you guys actually find the responding to the reviews section funny, or did everyone skip it? Please vote to keep or toss the in-depth reviews in the reviews you leave us for this chapter. ^_^

Syvia- *wobbles over and gives hugs to Concept of a Demon, Raziella D.Reaver, Fallen Templar, Morbid Knight, The Cat of Fluff, Discordia, Crystarr, VladimirsAngel, Tanaquil. Chalcedony Blue & Tiarne* We love all you crazy people!!!!

Anamae- We had fun figuring out the title for this second part. 

Syvia- That's right. Anamae had all sorts of good ideas. For example! *pulls out a list*

*Anamae tries to grab the list away & misses*

Syvia- *hiccups* We could have a long-winded title like; '2 Authoresses in Meridian with a squirrel, a vampire, and a whole lot of trouble coming their way', but since no one would ever actually want to read all of that and get incredibly bored in under 30 seconds (or the time it takes to read the title) we also thought of 

__

Return to Nosgoth: the Fluff Returneth! (give it a medieval twist due to the fact that Nosgoth is medevialish) or

__

The Attack of the Perpetual Fluff! or

__

Why the Hell Is This Fluff Back Up? 

OR! 

__

This is a Seriously Funny But F$%&ed up Fluff So We'll Read It All The Same. 

*Anamae is blushing in her chair*

Syvia- Anamae liked _Return to Nosgoth: The Fluff Returneth!_ the best, so I decided to tweak it just a little bit. Hence; the title that won out. 

The Third Wheel and Where it Rolls

Syvia, Bucky, Anamae and Faustus looked at Meridian, the vampire grinning the whole time.  
  
Faustus- Damn it feels good to be home. Now I can finally go back to my house and get it all fixed up and then I can go to the Sarafan Lord and say I need 3- no 4! weeks of vacation because I need to spend it with you!  
  
He picked up Anamae and whirled her around in the air. Man, that's sweet. Why can't I find a male narrator like that?  
  
Syvia- *looking at the blood on her feet* Eww, I need a bath, among other things. Fausty-  
  
Anamae- You can't call him Fausty! Only I can!!!! Me, Syvia, me!!!  
  
Faustus- Yeah!!!! *both stick their tongues out at her*  
  
Syvia- *defensively* Yeesh, what did I do?  
  
Well, Anamae takes that as a sign that you're moving in on her man, calling him a pet name she gave to him and which no other girl can call him by because it's like marking out your own-  
  
Bucky- Squeaakkkkkkk!!!!! (We know about psychology and all that!!!)  
  
Fine!!! Whatever, I'm just trying to help here but oh no, everyone wants to hurt the poor old narrator.... OH MY GOD, LOOK AT ALL THE EXCLAMATION POINTS YOU PEOPLE ARE GENERATING! YOU'RE EVEN MAKING ME DO IT! STOP THAT AT ONCE!

Bucky- Squeakin squeakity squeak squeak. (Firstly, I'm not a person. Secondly, please disengage the caps lock button.)

SORRY- *clears throat* sorry about that, Bucky.

Bucky- Squeaker. (That's okay.)  
  
Faustus- *setting Anamae down* Okay, everyone come back to my place and you can get cleaned up. Of course the washroom has never been used because I don't think committing suicide is such a hot way to go but- *shrugs his shoulders*  
  
So the trio, followed by little Bucky who was trying to get use to the big city after coming from....*flips back to the other story* Termogent Forest. He led them cutely through the city. Hell, he got a little girl all excited in the Slums because she had never seen anything so damned cute. She expressed her surprise through the use of enough swear words to make even the sailors' ears turn bright red.  
  
That girl had a bright future ahead. 

After that little escapade, Syvia attempted small talk.  
  
Syvia- Hey Faustus, how long has it been since Kain got his ass kicked?  
  
Faustus- *narrows his eyes* Why would you care to know?  
  
Syvia- *grinning* Just curious....  
  
Anamae- *giving a look and saying in sign language* I know what you're planning and you better not. I'm happy and if you think for one moment that you're gonna mess it up.....  
  
But everyone else in Meridian could understand sign language since for some reason the Sarafan Lord made them all learn, so it wasn't all that secret anymore.  
  
Anamae- Thank you, narrator.  
  
You're welcome, you naughty girl.  
  
Anamae- *defensively* _What_?  
  
*in a sing-song voice* I know what you're _think_ing!  
  
Syvia started laughing with Bucky while Anamae blushed the color of Faustus' jacket. The vampy hunk pretended to not hear the exchange going on, even if he did have excellent hearing, which was much better than Kain's because Kain lost most of it listening to his music too loud.  
  
Faustus- Damn straight. *stops suddenly and points* And there we are. Home sweet home. *hugs Anamae*   
  
Syvia- ....wow.  
  
Faustus made his home in the den, and as the area was riddled with thieves, it didn't do for any house to look overly well-made or kept. So-  
  
Bucky- Squeaky... squeak. (Looks like a dump.)  
  
Anamae shot an angry look at Bucky, but Faustus only shrugged and led the way in. The first hallway was not much to look at, neither was the staircase, or the second floor hallway... _or _sitting room they walked through, or... other stuff I won't mention because Anamae is glaring at me... But _then _Faustus moved a heavy moth-eaten sofa away from the wall and revealed a trap door.   
  
Faustus- Ladies first.   
  
He opened it, revealing a small staircase, which they climbed down. Faustus climbed partially down the stairs before sliding the sofa back and closing the trap door. Anamae was looking around with a smug smile, Syvia and Bucky with amazement.  
  
Anamae- What do you think now?   


The rooms above were nothing but a diversion, something to deter any would-be hunters looking for the master of the Den. The stairwell led down into the pinnacle of opulence. One would have thought they stood in the high-rises of the Upper City. The floors were carpeted in black, and down the wide single hallway there were two doors on the right, three on the left and one at the end.  
  
Faustus- The one at the end is where I sleep during the day, the two doors to your right, ladies, are the dining room/kitchen and parlor, and the ones to the left are guestrooms and the unused restroom. *shrugs* It came with the location. Not surprising considering the apartment was originally built for humans.  
  
Anamae- Ha, see, Syvia? *nudges her friend* Faustus is doing well for himself.  
  
Syvia- *tiredly* Yes, Anamae. I see.  
  
Faustus- *modestly* In protecting the Sarafan Lord I have power and quite a bit of money at my disposal. I am happy with what I have.  
  
Well, it's a sweet place.  
  
Faustus- Thank you, narrator.  
  
Hey, is that vase all the way from the Nights of Twilight Age?  
  
Syvia- I think it is!  
  
Syvia and Bucky went over to pick up the vase, and even with Faustus warning them to be careful, the unfortunately possible happened. Syvia and Bucky were turning the vase over in their hands (and paws) when it fell onto the floor and shattered.

Bucky- Squeep. (Oops.)  
  
Anamae- *wide eyes* Syvia!  
  
Needless to say, Faustus was not pleased at all.  
  
Faustus- You think? I was a human when I got that vase; it came with me all the way from the gypsy camps!!!

I'm going to refrain from commenting on the exclamation points because Faustus is upset, not to mention the fact that I've never heard of Gypsies making vases. *Anamae glares at the narrator*   
  
Syvia- *embarrassed* I am _so_ sorry.  
  
Bucky- *nodding* Squeak.

Syvia- Wait... you were a gypsy?  
  
Faustus- *trying to stay composed* I'm going off to sleep. If you ladies are tired, then the bedrooms are at your disposal. *kisses Anamae on the cheek, then looks to Syvia* You touch anything, _anything _else, and I shall have your head. *goes off to his room*  
  
Syvia- *nervously* And I know he's not joking about that.  
  
Too true. Despite Syvia's annoyance at the threat, she kept her comments to herself. Because, after all, she _was _in the wrong.  
  
Syvia- Yeah, yeah. *rolls eyes*  
  
Bucky made like the cartoon character he resembled and promptly began sweeping up the shards of the vase with his bushy tail. Syvia sighed at Anamae's glare.  
  
Syvia- We said we're sorry, okay? *pulls open a plot hole and brings out a vase identical to the one they broke* Look, give him this as a replacement.   
  
Anamae- *snatches it from her companion's hands* That makes no difference! The last one was a relic from when he was still human.   
  
Despite that, she sat it carefully on the display pedestal. Hopefully Faustus would appreciate the gesture.  
  
Anamae- But I _highly _doubt it!  
  
Syvia groaned loudly and headed for the staircase. Bucky finished sweeping the vase shards into a handy-dandy plot hole, closed it up and scampered after her.  
  
Anamae- *slightly outraged* Where are you going?  
  
Syvia- *flatly* Out. Enjoy the alone time with your vamp man.   
  
Bucky waved a cheery goodbye and followed his mistress out. Anamae pouted slightly, then her mind latched onto what Syvia had said about 'alone time'. She grinned wickedly and headed for Faustus' room.   
Syvia climbed the stairs, carefully closed the trapdoor and moved the couch over it, and headed out of the building. She looked a little sad...  
  
Syvia- *sighs* Thanks for noticing.  
  
No problem. Want to talk about it?  
  
Syvia- *Bucky climbs up on her shoulder* Eh, just a little case of the third wheel, I guess.  
  
Bucky- Squeakity squeak squeee? (What am I, the spare tire?)  
  
Syvia chuckled softly and rubbed the squirrel's chin. Feeling a bit better, the two made their way into the streets of Meridian. You know what you need, Syv?   
  
Syvia- Hmmm?   
  
You really need a guy... vamp... ect. Hey! *sly tone of voice* Vorador's still around in this time.  
  
Syvia- *glaring* Try anything like that and _I'll_ have _your_ head.... Although that won't do much... since that's all you have anyway.   
  
*snickers*   


Syvia- *shaking her head* Anyway, I don't want to see Vorador. Or anybody else from the Cabal, for that matter. I don't really want to see any Sarafan soldiers either... I'd be tempted to mess with them & that would only make trouble for Anamae & Faustus. What I'd _really_ like is some peace & quiet.  
  
Uh... given your track record-  
  
Syvia- It's impossible, I know. *smirks* So I may as well make the best of my troublemaking habits.   
  
Syvia walked off into the night. On her shoulder, Bucky imitated her evil grin. I have only one thing to add. Here we go again. *snickers* 

=====================================

Syvia- Yes, Anamae and I are splitting up. *pouts* I always seem to get into trouble and end up by myself. 

Anamae- *nodding fervently* And then I get smut with my Fausty! And I know I won't get my head chopped off with you!

Syvia- *wide eyes* What's _that _supposed to mean?!

Anamae- Nothing! *whistles innocently*

Syvia- Well, in any case- 10 reviews and we'll get the ball rolling.

Bucky- Squeak squeqkenin squeak. (To be honest, the girls just use the ten reviews as a reason to post _early. _If no reviews came in, Syvia would wait till the tenth day after posting and put the next one up- but they can edit a chapter in less time. They like to see what everyone thinks just because it boosts their pathetic little egos. Review if you want a speedy update! ^_^)

Syvia- That was quite a mouthful.

Bucky- Squeaky squeak squeakity squeak squeak. (Thanks.)

Anamae- Sometimes I wonder about that squirrel....


	2. The Running of the Chickens

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Some of the jokes from this fic were inspired by _Robin Hood: Men in Tights_. We don't own that movie or stuff in it either.

Anamae- *looks up at the legal garbage above* Yadda yadda yadda. We have no money anyway- and why the hell would anyone care to begin with? I mean, seriously- who gives a-

Insane Prisoner- _Language! _

*Anamae and Syvia have currently set up shop on a rooftop belonging to a building that is none other than the Eternal Prison. Anamae and Syvia... well, Anamae is (Syvia is afraid of heights) dangling her feet over the edge while dropping rocks into the sea below. Syvia is edging nervously away from the prisoners while trying to hold the letters in her sleeve-covered hands. Anamae is flapping the sleeves of her straightjacket and making cawing sounds.*

Syvia- Okay... Fallen Templar & Discordia voted 'yay'-

Anamae- And they were the only ones who voted at all...

Syvia- So here's the first letter. *looks at it, turns to Anamae* You read it. *shoves the letter at her*

Anamae- Um, okay. To **Evelin the Winged**- that was barely a review, but thanks for the thought... I think.

Syvia- To **Concept of a Demon**- Oooooh, curses. Well, I've had enough of those in the last week. :-p Here's the next chapter. ^_^

Anamae- To **Fallen Templar- **We aim to please... sometimes. *evil smirk*

Syvia- To **Rocker Baby**- *lol* ^_^ Poor Sebastian. Hey- we're not after him. You'll like his appearance in upcoming chapters!

Anamae- Well... considering what happens to him, maybe she won't. *watches the NC-kisses* *raises eyebrows, both girls grin* 

Syvia- Oh- money? Yes please! Would be greatly appreciated. :-D

Anamae- To **Morbid Knight**- _What? What did I do that was so mean?!_ *pouts* 

Syvia- Sorry about your finger, MK. I'll be looking for your fan fics. ^_^

Anamae- To **Anima Flamma**- *giggles* I had fun. *grins* According to Rocker Baby, Sebastian is off limits, but she's right Janos _is _still around. ^_^

Syvia- I don't _want _a guy! I'm perfectly happy without one. To **VladimirsAngel- ***grins* Thanks for the review, hon. I always love to read them!

Anamae- And next we have- **GoT**- Peter, why don't you just... give her what she wants? *grimaces*

Syvia- **Discordia**- It did both! Thanks and thanks again. ^_^

Anamae- **Plink**- Because you are a very, very smart person. *evil grin*

The Running of the Chickens

So Syvia wanted to go get into trouble, which was one of the many things she knew how to do quite well without taking any classes on the subject.  
  
Syvia- Damn straight. *looks around* So what can I do?  
  
She suddenly saw, and Bucky also quickly noticed, a group of Sarafan warriors doing nothing. Or at least, in her _mind _they were doing nothing. Although, they also might have thought they were doing nothing. Or they might have thought they were doing something, while they were actually doing nothing. It's hard to tell.  
  
Bucky- Squee? (Huh)  
  
Don't bother, Bucky. You'll bust a brain vessel.

Glyph Knight 1- Hey, uh- we're not exactly Sarafan. 

You aren't?

Glyph Knight 2- Yeah, we're also called Glyph Knights! 

Syvia- You're not very good at identifying soldiers of the different eras, are you Narrator?

Whatever! Moving on. Syvia got something of a weird plan inside her head, when it finally got _out _of her head, she took up a grass skirt from nowhere, and adding some Hawaiian music from the boom box she took out of the plot hole, Syvia began to do a belly dance. *cue the Arabian/Hawaii music mix* She danced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Hey, what exactly is the point of this Syv?  
  
Syvia- To distract the Glyph Knights.  
  
Well Syvia was certainly doing _that_. The soldiers had just come off of shore leave and they wanted to be entertained. So hell, they weren't complaining when they saw Syvia doing a rather risque, scandelous and NC-17 dance.  
  
Glyph Knight 1- You got that right. *begins to cheer*  
  
Syvia- Not working _quite _the way I'd planned... *stomps her foot* I thought they'd be annoyed, not excited. *Syvia turns and walks away, leaving the boom-box*  
  
The Knights began to groan as they saw the girl walk off, then hit upon the brilliant idea that if they paid her, maybe she wouldn't mind turning a few more dances for them and all that stuff. So they scoop up the sound system and began to chase after her.  
  
Syvia- *hears the music grow louder, starts to walk faster* Narrator?  
  
What?   
  
Syvia- You're evil.  
  
Hey girl, I'm just keeping this plot going! *Syvia begins to run away from the 7 Sarafan warriors* With a shriek about how her plan hadn't turned out the way it should have (for her anyways) Syvia ran down the Meridian streets, faster and faster, finally jumping on the trolley with led from the Slums all the way up to the Upper City. Still in the ridiculous grass skirt-  
  
Syvia- *ripping it off* Screw the skirt!  
  
-without the skirt now, Syvia ran into the Church where there were services being held for some noble that had just gotten killed. It was a very nice funeral until she burst through the doors, tipped over the candles and set the carpet aflame. Then to add insult to injury, as the Sarafan came in as the mourners and clergy were trying to put out the fire, and with Hawiian music playing, they all tried to beat out the flames. Syvia opened up the casket, tipped out the body of said noble, and jumped in to hide from the warriors.  
  
Bucky was, at this moment, chirping madly as he hoisted a fire hose in his little hands and tried to put out the blaze. Everyone else was running away...except the Bishop, who had gotten run over by the people fleeing and was unconscious. Bucky gave up the idea of saving the Church and dragged the old man outside, saving him and all of that stuff. However... he had forgotten the boom box, which melted into a puddle of plastic. 

Oh, he also forgot about Syvia.  
  
Syvia- *voice muffled inside the coffin* What's going on out there? It's getting hot in here! Helllllllooooooooooooo! Someone? Anyone?! Narrator!  
  
But I will not be saying what happens next, only leaving it at a climax opening for me to take up after I finish eating my lunch. *microwave dings* My soup's ready! ^_^   


Syvia- Soup? Soup?! I'm trapped in this thing and all you can do is go get your frickafrakin soup?!  
  
Back. *sip, talking with mouth full* Syvia banged on the coffin lid, shouting at the top of her lungs. Bucky was still outside, trying to rouse the Bishop, and somehow didn't notice his absent mistress.

  
There was, however, one person who _did_ hear the girl's shouting.   
  
Syvia- Oh thank god.  
  
The nobleman, who had been faking his own death, was now a vampire, and was up and about.   
  
Syvia- _What_?!  
  
He whisked the lid off the coffin and pulled the girl out, but they were still surrounded by fire. Well- out of the frying pan, as they say.  
  
Fledgling- That's not really funny. I need some help here, human lady.  
  
Syvia- What?   
  
Fledgling- You seem like an important figure in this situation-  
Help me out and I'll repay you in any way I can!  
  
Oh? _Anything? _And in any _way_?!  
  
Syvia- *dangerous look* Don't even think it.  
  
What? He's cute?  
  
Syvia- Well he's about to be a cute pile of ashes! What do we do?  
  
What do you usually do? You could almost see the light bulb go off over Syvia's head. The girl whipped out a plot hole, into which she and the vampire jumped.

Meanwhile... back at Faustus' house.... Anamae had dressed up in a skimpy black silk nightgown with spaghetti straps. It was slit up the sides all the way to her hips, upon which she had pulled black nylons. Over the whole outfit she wore a see-through waist length robe. Her hair was down and her makeup was on. ...Where did you get all that stuff?

Anamae- ^_^ Plot hole.

*sighs* I should have known.

Anamae- *looks at her hair* I need to dye it again... *shrugs* anyway- 

Anamae knocked softly upon Faustus'oak coffin. It was six and a half feet long, four feet wide and two feet tall. That's pretty big...

Anamae- Faustus _is _big.

...I'm enjoying all the perverted meanings available from that statement. I'm looking in a thesaurus _right now_ to find all the possible meanings that come from that statement! I'm-

Anamae- Oh be quiet! Fausty... are you doing anything important?

Faustus- *grumbles softly* 

Anamae- *smoldering voice* Fausty, it's your Slaanesh. She wants to _play_.

Faustus- *muffled* Oh _really_? 

He opened the lid of his coffin and gave Anamae a sultry grin. The vampire hunky-boy sat up, lifted the girl into his coffin and closed the lid on them. Giggling could be heard. 

Anamae- *muffled* Mmmm... 

Faustus- ohhhhhhhhh...

  
At this moment- back at the church...

  
The Bishop was finally awake, and Bucky had finally remembered Syvia. The brave little squirrel attempted to go back inside the blazing church, but the Bishop held him back, and they sadly watched the building burn to the ground. Stunned and horrified, Bucky sat in front of the church for two straight hours before trudging slowly back to Faustus' home.   


Bucky didn't know how he was going to break the news to Anamae. hell, maybe if he just ran away from it all and act like none of this had ever happened, then he wouldn't be blamed for this....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  
  
Bucky- Squeakkkitity! (Shut up!)  
  
So he went back to Faustus' house, not quite sure how to tell Anamae that her friend was well, dead. As the squirrel entered the house below the house (you know, the true house and all that stuff) Bucky Faustus' coffin. It was... well... rocking.  
  
Bucky- _Chippp? _(_Now_?)  


Well, when a coffin is rocking, you don't come a'-

Bucky- *chitters angrily at the narrator* (Don't even say it!)

  
Hey, they don't wanna be disturbed. Why ruin a good thing, eh? *Bucky glares* Oh right, the whole Syvia death thing, eh? Umm, we can tell them when they get up. 

So, sad and cold of heart, Bucky went out to find some flowers and a decent headstone for Syvia. The headstone read:  
  
She ran away and was burned today / At least now she is / A beautiful pile of ashes *pile of ashes picture at the end of the verse*  
  
Meanwhile, in transit through the plot hole-  
  
Syvia and the fledgling fell out of the plot hole and into....  
  
Syvia- The Canyons of Meridian?  
  
Yup, looks like it. And it was also the national chicken racing competition. See, what happens is that a bunch of people race down the canyons, following by bloodthirsty Mexican Chickens. Something like the running bulls in that Spanish town of... what's its name? 

Syvia- *staring open-mouthed at the Narrator*

Fledgling- Pamplona? 

__

That's it! ^_^ But you can get killed and all that...anyway Syvia, aren't you going to introduce yourself to the vamp?  
  
Syvia- *still dazed* My name is Syvia. And you?  
  
Fledgling- Ah-choo.  
  
Syvia- 'Bless you.  
  
Ah-choo- No, that is my name; Ah-choo. I am Ah-choo.  
  
Syvia- *looks oddly at him* .....*thinking* We need to get him a new name.  
  
Just then, the first faint clucking of bloodthirsty Mexican chickens filled the air, their cries echoing down the canyon walls. Get ready to run, people!!!!!   


Syvia- Bloodthirsty chickens. Blood-freaking-thirsty chickens.  
  
Syvia kept muttering this as she ran at top speed down through the canyon with Ah-choo right beside her. ...We really _should _get him a new name.   
  
Syvia- I can't believe you've done this to me!  
  
What?  
  
Syvia- Why the canyons?  
  
I don't always make up the news, you know. Sometimes I only report it.  
  
Ah-choo- On second thought... I think I'll save my thanks for whoever gets me out of _this_ mess.  
  
Syvia- What-ever.  
  
They continued to run, the sinister clucking of a hundred bloodthirsty chickens right behind them and about three dozen Nosgothians. Someone gasped as they caught sight of a sign which read 'dead end ahead'.  
  
The runners who hadn't seen it yet- _What_?!  
  
Random runner- Oh, you didn't know? We're all here courtesy of the Sarafan Lord. He stands at the end of the track and watches the chickens rip everyone to pieces once we get there.  
  
Syvia- *to the Author* Why the _hell _didn't anyone tell me this earlier?!  
  
I didn't want to upset you.  
  
Syvia- You Moron! I'm running towards certain death and you didn't want to upset me?!?   
  
Swearing most creatively as they came in sight of the dead end and the Sarafan Lord, standing atop the canyon wall, Syvia pulled out an enormous plot hole and threw it against the wall. She looked up at the Hylden and smirked.  
  
Syvia- Hey, green-eyes! Say hi to your master Hashy for me!   
  
And making a rude gesture, she jumped into the plot hole. The rest of the runners exchanged odd looks, but decided the black hole would probably be less painful than a bunch of man-eating chickens, and followed her.  
  
The chickens clucked their way towards the dead end, a few falling into the plot hole as it closed, and, finding their prey escaped, turned on each other. The Sarafan Lord grimaced at the lack of show before deciding that, while not the same, the chickens were pretty entertaining. He then *grimaces* resolved to find the girl who'd insulted him. Oh, this doesn't sound good.  
  
Back at Faustus' place, the coffin creaked open, revealing a vampire in black silk boxers, curled up with a panty-hose-less Anamae. They looked relaxed, refreshed, and more than a bit rumpled. *smirks*  
  
Anamae sat up with a smile and noticed Bucky. She saw the squirrel's forlorn expression and instantly knew something bad had happened. 

Anamae- Of course. *sighs* Something _always _has to go wrong or no one would be reading this fic!

======================================================

Syvia- There we have the second chapter. ^_^ 

Anamae- Edited & edited & posted. 10 reviews to see just _where _Syvia ended up.

Syvia- *grimaces* It's not good.

Anamae- But it _is _funny! :-D So see her in yet more trouble and pain and then people, you would really enjoy the book _Nosgoth: People and their Misery_. *points to the cover* See, that's Syvia getting run down by a-

Syvia- AHH! I thought I burned all the copies! *grabs the book and tucks it away* 10 reviews!


	3. Where Everybody Knows Your Scream

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. 

Authors Notes: *Syvia & Anamae sit in the laboratories of the Eternal prison, in front of the plate glass partition. Prisoners wave from behind the glass before getting shooed away by the Wardens, who then begin to wave at the readers from behind the glass. They in turn, look behind them, see Magnus coming towards them, scream and run away.*

Syvia- **Discordia**- Sanctuary... O_o 

Anamae- *lmao* She's twitching from fear of Vorry. Don't worry. ^_^ Bucky will be fine. To **Evelin**- I remember that one.... In fact, I think that happens in any 'Link' game on the market. *snickers at the image*

Syvia- **Concept**- If you wanna dismember Moby- feel free! 

Anamae- **Wolfywoman**- Thanks for reviewing, but I'm not telling Rocker Baby _anything_. That woman is dangerous. 

Syvia- And you'd like to see them fight over Sabby.

Anamae- This is true.

Syvia- **VladimirsAngel**- *lol* Thank you! She designed mine & I designed hers. ^_^ The Mexican Chicken. ^_^ Our beloved Mexican Chicken. Thanks, VA. ^_^

*Mex Chicken clucks idly about the area*

Anamae- **GoT**- Uh... oops?

Syvia- **Rocker Baby**- *sends the Mex Chicken to visit Rocker Baby*

Anamae- **Sarryn**- ... One letter then- K!

Syvia- **Plink**- I'm insulted that someone would kill me! *harrumphs*

Anamae- *breathing heavily* Are you insinuating that my Fausty would cheat on me?!

Syvia- *blandly* Take deep breaths, Anamae. ( Thanks for the review, Plink. ^_^ )

Anamae- I don't get mad... I get _even_.

Syvia- *takes one big step away*

Anamae- **Fallen Templar**- *looks at Syvia* Do we need a bounty hunter to maim the Sarafan Lord?

Syvia- *shrugs*

Anamae- If you wanna do it, we'll pay to watch, but we won't pay you for killing him. *smirks*

Where Everybody Knows Your Scream

Anamae- Well, somehow I can imagine the worst has happened. Am I right?  
  
Bucky nodded and then began to chitter wildly, all the while swinging the roses he had in one hand and gesturing towards the tombstone he got at a discount over at Al & Muphey's Tombstone Town. Faustus rolled his eyes and looked up at me.  
  
Faustus- Look, is Syvia alive or not?  
  
Well, yeah. Bucky gave me a wide-eyed look of relief, which quickly turned into tears, then to the squirrel version of growling as he realized I'd known all along and not told him.  
  
Anamae- So where is she then?  
  
Hmm, good question. I haven't thought about it yet.  
  
Bucky- Chirp! (What the hell do you mean by that? This is intolerable to say the least!)  
  
What a mouthful... Look, it's not easy thinking about what is going to happen next. I have to read ahead in the script, which means I have to get it from the Authors Guild and they just don't hand things out, you know? Give me a break! *While the narrator was rants on and on how it was not her fault at all but the authors (the mysterious powers who control this fic) Faustus decides that getting changed is a good idea, as the mood is officially ruined.*  
  
Faustus- *getting dressed* Maybe I should look into getting clothing in a color besides red....  
  
Anamae- No way, Fausty. Red is too perfect for you...but maybe black would look okay. Shows off the figure.  
  
So while the two were once again flirting with each other, Bucky started to get annoyed and I had finally figured out where Syvia and Ah-Choo -  
  
Anamae- He needs a new name.  
  
- had gone.  
  
Faustus- .....We're waiting.  
  
Oh, they had fallen into the one place where there is no hope of return, unless there are airplanes heading in that direction, which there aren't.

Anamae- Well where's that?  
  
*Theme music from 'Queen Emeralds' plays to build up the next scene as the camera whizzes around looking for Syvia and Ah-Choo. Finally, it spots them*  
  
Syvia was lying on the ground with Ah-Choo on top of her in a less than....well, quite an embarrassing position actually. If one could bend their legs like those two are right now, they might have been doing the horizontal mambo and-  
  
Syvia- Oh shut up, you pervert! *gets up* Where are we?  
  
Ah-Choo- I have decided to change my name.  
  
Syvia- Oh really? What is it?  
  
Ah-Choo/Damion- Damion!  
  
Syvia- Well, that sounds better, and more suitable for a vampire. So, narrator, where are we?  
  
Go check the bronze plaque over there. *points* Thunder rumbled overhead, and both Damion and Syvia jumped in spite of themselves. The girl looked at the bronze plaque and paled.  
  
Damion- The Eternal Prison......aw _shit_, and I just got out of here too!  
  
I fail to understand how that's possible, as you were human not two days ago and no body ever escapes from this place, but I'm _not going to ask_. *disgustingly cheerful voice* And wouldn't you know it, the Sarafan Lord is coming by for a routine inspection of the prison! Seems like Syvia is in trouble now....oh yeah and as a side-note, Anamae is coming to save you. Somehow. *mutters to herself* But she always seems to make more trouble than anything else..... *clears throat*  


Syvia stared at the sign for a few minutes. Her face slowly took on a very dangerous, very frightening look, and for someone who looked like a college-aged English teacher, with the innocence of a permanent schoolgirl, that was no mean feat.  
Damion was looking around nervously, not noticing his partner's expression.  
  
Warden- You there! Where did you come from?  
  
Damion- Oh shit... we're in for it now.  
  
He tapped the human girl on the shoulder, calling her name softly. Damion's tone became increasingly frantic as the Warden came closer. The vampire never noticed a tiny plot hole open up, or Syvia pulling something out of it.  
A second Warden had joined the first. They were gliding menacingly towards the pair and Damion finally broke and ran, leaving Syvia behind. *evil laughter* The girl turned, igniting the lightsaber she'd pulled out of the Star Wars universe. *cue the Star Wars opening theme* And May the Force _not _Sue us.  
  
Syvia- No more Ms. nice guy. *the Wardens look at her funny*

Warden 1- _Ms_. nice guy?

Syvia- Just shut up and fight!  
  
Meanwhile, back at Anamae's side of the story, Faustus stepped out of the plot hole with Bucky close behind. The hole closed and they all looked up at-  
  
Faustus- _The Eternal Prison_?! How on earth did she get in there?  
  
Anamae- It doesn't matter. We have to get in and save her!  
  
Syvia's not doing to badly on her own...  
  
Anamae- Well sure she can survive, but will she be able to get out?  
  
*grimaces* Well... no.  
  
Bucky- Squeaky squeak squeee? (So how are we supposed to get in?)  
  
It was a very good question. So good that not even _I_ can answer it.  
  
Faustus- You _must_ be kidding.  
  
Unfortunately...  
  
Everyone together- No.  
  
Anamae groaned and hit her forehead with the palm of her hand.   
  
Anamae- Well how did she get in there? With a plot hole, right?  
  
Well yeah, but even though you can use one to get in, that doesn't mean you can use one to get out!  
  
Anamae- So I can get in, but not out again?  
  
You can get out- just not with the plot holes.

(Back in the prison)  
  
Syvia- *running down the hall, lightsaber on* Now you fricken tell me!  
  
She was being pursued by nearly twenty Wardens, all shouting for her to stop disrupting their experiments.   
  
Syvia- Damion, you bloodsucking coward! Where the hell did you go?!  
  
But he was long gone. Pity. You really are his only chance of escaping after all.   
  
Damion- Now you tell me!   
  
And he turned around in the hallway he was currently running down and started the other way, trying to relocate the young human.  
  
Syvia- Forget the vamp! I don't give a crap anymore.   
  
Awww, that's not nice.   
  
Syvia- *growling, still running* Fine! If he finds me, fine. If not, I'm leaving his butt here to rot!  
  
And with that incentive, Damion doubled his efforts.  
  
Syvia- Okay narrator! I want to know what time period this is, and I want to know _now_!  
  
*gulp* Uh... it's currently about three hundred years after the pillars fell. Syvia grinned with sudden pleasure.   
  
Syvia- Okay, I may not be able to use the plot holes to get _out_, but I can use them to get around the place!  
  
That said, she ran into a plot hole and came out the other side in- a laboratory?  
  
Syvia- Hey there, Magnus! How ya been?  
  
The two Wardens on either side of the strapped down vampire looked up, surprised, and lifted their scythes. Syvia cut them down with finesse and destroyed the bands holding Magnus down. The young vampire leapt to his feet and they looked at each other.  
  
Syvia- Wow... you look better than when I last saw you.  
  
Magnus looked down at himself, he was scarred, but whole. His scalp was in place, as was the skin covering his abdomen.  
  
Magnus- Do I know you?  
  
Syvia- Not really. *she grins* Wanna get outta here?  
  
The vampire looked wryly at her.   
  
Magnus- What do you think?  
  
At the front door of the Prison, Anamae, Faustus and Bucky still looked up at the doors, wondering what the heck to do, when a familiar form came up behind them. Anamae turned around and saw it first.  
  
Anamae- *gasps, repeatedly taps Faustus on the shoulder*  
  
Faustus- *turns around* M-my lord, what are you doing here?!  
  
TSL- The narrator already said I was conducting an inspection. Would you like to join me?  
  
Anamae- Uh- yes! Yes, please.  
  
Oooooh, things are about to get interesting. 

=============================================

Hello, this is the Narrator here. I have just been told that if I wish to keep my job, then you must hurry up with the next 10 or even 11 reviews. So the Guild does not break my legs, please review as quickly as possible. Besides, who really wants to see how the inspection is going to go, and how badly some things will become in a short while? So if you love me, the Narrator, and do not wish to have me harmed in any way then you will review as quickly as possible. ^_^


	4. Sword Fights that 'Boink'

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors Notes: 

*Syvia and Anamae are still in the labs. The metal door on one side has dented inward from someone pounding on it. A loud hissing is heard before a small tongue of flame appears in the door and begins to cut through the metal. The start reading quickly in order to get through with the letters before the people with the blowtorch get in. The readers wonder _who _is holding the blowtorch. The authors decide not to tell you.*

Syvia- Okay, first review- **CoD**- *blinks... blink-blink* I'm traumatized by that view of Moebius... *repeatedly washes out her eyes*

Anamae- *shudder* **VladimirsAngel**- *Syvia hugs her* *evil grin* I _might _enjoy it... there's a _very good chance_ that I would enjoy it!

Syvia- **Raziella**- *sighs* Yeah, you're right. *shrugs*

Anamae- **Fallen Templar**- Shhh! She doesn't know that yet! Yeah, but it woulda been fun to watch!

Syvia- **Rocker Baby**- *lol* Thankee very much. *chuckles*

Anamae- **RedCat8- **Thank you! Oooh... that's right. *Mexican chickens run around clucking*

Syvia- **Morbid Knight**- I've done my tribute to the Biscuit woman. ^_^ But those guys do get mentioned in this chapter! :-D

Anamae- **Sephiroth-** Cool, someone new here. Hmm... Well, not in this chapter. Keep your eyes open (eye, if you're a Cyclops). Weird things can and do happen on occasion. 

Syvia- **Discordia**- *hugs* Thank you muchly. No, you're right, the Narrator has no legs. She over dramatizes things fairly often. 

Narrator- No, really, I- *clunk* AHHHH! My non-existent right leg is broken! BROKEN! 

Anamae- Well, yeah. We only got nine reviews. 

Narrator- *whimpering*

Sword Fights that 'Boink'

Well as Syvia was running around with Magnus, who was trying to find Damion, with the Wardens running behind them, as well as the Olympic track team of 2000 who were being chased by the canyon runners and the Mexican Chickens from two chapters ago, The Sarafan Lord (I have to capitalize the name because it's important and I don't want to be killed) walked into the Eternal Prison with Anamae, Faustus and Bucky following behind. Faustus was trying to work up the nerve to ask for the three week break when Phoebe, the only female warden in the prison, came down the steps to meet with the SL. She wore a long, simple white robe, and a small golden orb floated above her hands. Oh yeah, and her eyes were sewn shut, but she could see everything. (Powers of the mind deal, you know?)  
  
Phoebe- My Lord, you are here for the inspection of prisoner 24601?  
  
TSL- Yes I am.  
  
Phoebe- *gestures* This way, please.  
  
Anamae- She looks freaky....  
  
Faustus- I wonder if she's always been blind like that....  
  
Phoebe- Ever since I was little. In fact, one of my ancestors was Nupraptor so you could say it runs in the family.  
  
Anamae- *nervously* Oh yeah? *mumbles* This place keeps on getting weirder and weirder. *hears the odd music and spooky laughter* What the hell was that?!  
  
Phoebe- The cassette tape we have playing on a continuous track. It adds a feeling of despair to the prison... and we forgot to turn it off after the Halloween party.  
  
TSL- Halloween party? Why wasn't I invited?  
  
Phoebe- Because you never let me see our child!  
  
Faustus- _What_?!  
  
Bucky- Chirp squeakkkky tityyy skeww.... (I wonder the Eternal Prison was this weird _before _it went to the dogs....)  
  
While I tried to sort out all this information, the relevant characters were walking down halls that looked like they could use a wash, (not to mention a polish) and passing by vending machines that had nothing in them but cobwebs. Eventually they arrived where prisoner 24601 should be. Of course, there was nothing there.  
  
Phoebe- *looking at the Wardens' bodies* Strange....Magnus should be here.   
  
Faustus- M-M-Magnus...?  
  
SL- Something wrong?  
  
Faustus' face turned extremely pale. He was, after all, one of the vampires that turned against the Kain's army and had given Magnus the insane notion of trying to fight the Sarafan Lord on his own so in a way he was responsible for putting him here. Ohhh Faustus, if you come across him, you're screwed. *checks ahead in the story* Yeah, you're _definitely _screwed.  
  
Anamae- *sees Syvia running up behind her* Hey Syvia, cool light saber! _There's _Magnus!  
  
Magnus saw Fauatus. Faustus saw Magnus. The equation goes as follows to lead to the next event.

  
Magnus + Faustus = Kill Faustus  
  
TSL- Phoebe, you haven't been running the prison well enough.  
  
Phoebe- Bite me. I want to see Marie.  
  
Then Damion came flying in and things began to make even _less _sense.... I'd like to take this moment to say that the next bit is made possible by Syvia's RB LoKverse.  
  
Syvia- Ooooh! What next bit?  
  
Soul Reaver Raziel appeared out of nowhere and began tossing the combatants around.  
  
Anamae- What the hell? When did Raz have time to get thrown into the EP?!  
  
Long story, don't ask. So, in the fullness of time... the next three minutes to be precise, Faustus got knocked against the wall and began staggering around the room, seeing double. Magnus had the same done to him, but took the blow on the head and passed out. Damion got slapped around for a bit before Raziel caught sight of TSL, they both drew their version of the Soul Reaver and began to fight. Phoebe was still grousing about not having seen her daughter since her birth and TSL, annoyed at having to deal with her during a swordfight, was trying to end the duel as fast as possible... he wasn't doing a very good job.  
  
Phoebe- You could have sent me pictures or something at the very least!  
  
TSL- Are we forgetting *ching* that your *swhoop* eyes are sutured shut? *boink*  
  
Syvia, who had been distracted by her reunion with Bucky and Anamae, looked up at this.  
  
Syvia- A sword fight can 'boink'?  
  
Anamae- I guess it _can_.  
  
Syvia- *hugs her* It's been so long!  
  
Anamae- You've been gone for less than a day!  
  
Syvia- This is the Eternal Prison, remember? Time stands still. _So_... what did you and Faustus do?  
  
Anamae- *small grin* We had fun.  
  
Syvia- *smirking* Yeah?  
  
Anamae- *blushing* Ye-s.  
  
And while the two girls grinned over each other's exploits, the battles raged on. After a few minutes, the Wardens that had been chasing Syvia ran in and, going too fast to stop, smashed into TSL, SRR and PFW. The OTT2000 ran in as well and added to the enormous dog pile of people with abbreviated names. Faustus, Magnus, and Damion, who were looking, stunned, at the pile, jumped half a mile *snicker* (I made a rhyme) in the air when SRR appeared on the top of the heap.  
  
Raz- I would suggest you run. They're not going to be happy once they get themselves sorted out.  
  
Magnus and Faustus looked at each other, animosity forgotten (for the time being) and as one, ran towards the exit. As they passed the still chatting human girls, Faustus threw Anamae over his shoulder, Magnus did the same to Syvia, and Damion brought up the rear with Bucky.   


Running as fast as they all could, the five people (plus the squirrel) moved down the halls of the Eternal Prison as fast as possible, not knowing where the hell they were going or just exactly how they were going to get out.  
  
Anamae- Hey, there's a map over there! *points*  
  
And indeed there was. It was a map of the Eternal Prison in the usual confusing 3-D format. A little green dot showed where the group was with the words 'You are here' written there, and then a little red dot near the top of the prison saying 'But You Are Suppose To Be There'.  
  
Magnus- Then let's go!  
  
And Magnus once again picked up Syvia, not that she minded being dragged around like a wench just stolen from her village, ran down the hall and up the curving staircases to reach the top. But because I want to make this escape all the more confusing, does anyone here remember the artist who did those surreal paintings, the ones with doors and stairways upside down and in the air and going nowhere in particular?

Syvia- Escher? 

Bless you. 

Syvia- No, that's the name of-

Anyway, it seemed everyone was heading into one of those.  
  
Damion- *upside down on the stairs* I hate this!   
  
Anamae- *with Faustus* Um, if the ceiling is above us then why is everyone running up there and we aren't?  
  
Faustus- Because we forgot to make the right turn.  
  
Bucky- *running up the walls, then down a curved stair that goes up* SQUEEEEEEEK!!!!!! (Damn it)  
  
And while this was all very confusing to everyone except the people who live in the Eternal Prison with the screams and the moans and the "OWLS!" Guy and the woman complaining about the biscuit, everyone else had managed to get untangled from the tangle that they were in.

Meanwhile... back in the lab...  
  
Phoebe- Who touched my ass?!  
  
SR Raziel- My apologies!  
  
SL- Don't touch her ass. How dare you? *swings at Raziel with the reaver*  
  
Wardens- After the escapees! *runs after the escaped prisoners*  
  
Phoebe- Hey! You wardens obey me! Me; I run the prison and you guys don't! Don't forget who the hell pays the bills here! Come back! ARGH! *runs after them*  
  
SR Raziel- Does she *ducks under a blow* always act *clang!* like that?  
  
SL- Sometimes- *misses hitting Raz in the gut* she's worse! The kid's like that *gets hit on the shoulder* too!  
  
SR Raziel- Must be difficult!  
  
Meanwhile heading back to the rest of the group. They managed to escape the surreal world and all of that stuff by using a hot air balloon to bring them to the top of the prison, and everyone got off on the roof. Of course, now there was nowhere else to go. Even if Bucky, Anamae and Syvia could jump into the crashing waves and swim back to the far shore, they would have to leave the vampires because at this moment they:  
  
1) Didn't know how to swim  
2) Magnus still hasn't reached that lever where he's immune to water  
3) Forgot to get the life raft  
  
Syvia- No prob. We just use a plot hole.  
  
Syvia?   
  
Syvia- Yeah?  
  
*indicates a little sign on a string that just fell from the sky* You can't use plot holes here anymore.  
  
Syvia- Why not?  
  
Faustus- *looking at a sign* Says here that plot holes can not be used here in the Eternal Prison anymore because of their gross cheesiness and because they are ruining the 'storyline'.  
  
Damion- Damn....  
  
Magnus- Well, all we have to do is find another way. Perhaps if we grab all those pigeons and tie them together, they could carry us all away..  
  
Hello! Magnus, do you know how many pigeons you'd need to maintain air/speed velocity and ratio just for the six of you?  
  
Magnus- How much?  
  
More than this fic here can hold.  
  
Magnus- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
And then the Wardens appeared. 

========================================

*the Narrator is sitting - as only a head can - in a nice plump leather chair, listening to the 'I Am Cow' song playing*

Narrator- Oh, hello people! Yes, isn't it a pain in the butt that we always end at cliffhangers? I should like to take this time to say that neither Syvia or DHA are in the sanest of moods at the moment, which is why I have been given this job of wrapping up this chapter. Where are they, you ask?

*voices coming down from the medical labs in the Eternal Prison*

Anamae- No, not the feather torture! It tickles. Ahahaahahahahahahaaaaaa!

Syvia- I can't stand the chicken song anymore! Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!

*back in the leather chair*

Narrator- Yes, the Wardens eventually broke through the door. Please put up 10 reviews this time? *pouts* I don't want my nonexistent left leg broken _too_!


	5. At Long Last A Plot

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors Notes: 

Anamae- So you saw the chapter title? 

Syvia- Yeah, really weird. 

Anamae- I know, now this story will actually go back to being a story. 

Syvia- Does the narrator have anything to do with this? 

Anamae- *shrugs* Maybe she was replaced by someone else. 

*The two are sitting on the top of the Meridian Cathedral, dropping down loose tiles, broken glass, the odd brick or two and the gargoyles at anyone who passed below* 

Anamae- Hmm, I think that's Marcus. I'll smash him good! *hefts up a big rock* 

Syvia- Are you sure that's a good idea? Why not read the reviews first and answer before you drop the rock on him? 

Anamae- *holding the rock* Okay, but it better be quick. This perfect aim isn't going to last forever.

Syvia- **Fallen Templar- ***applauds* We love it- and actually, she gets a pay raise for every non-existent part we break- so she's not as bad off as she seems. 

Anamae- Speaking of which- *breaks the Narrator's other non existent leg* And if we don't get ten reviews for this chapter, it'll be her non existent ribs! 

Syvia- To **Raziella D. Reaver- **thanks, hon, but remember- DHA is here too. She's not a figment of my imagination, this really is a co-authored fic. 

Anamae- ...You could be a figment of _my _imagination. 

Syvia- Possible, but not likely. 

Anamae- **Concept of a Demon**- We're on it. *narrator whimpers*

Syvia- **VladimirsAngel**- Hey there ^_^ *customary hug* They are obsessed with boinking-

Anamae- And proud of it! To **Sephiroth**- You're _way _too nice. Mel Brooks is much greater than we are. As for your suggestion... how about we don't and say we did?

Syvia- **GoT- **^_^ Thanks for the review. **Discordia**- We try to keep the chapters all the same length, which sometimes equals a cliffhanger.

Anamae- **Plink**- Ooh, goodies. 

Yeah, I know. But it still hurts. *pouts*

Anamae- So who was what in the now with the with? I knew something from someone somewhere and then I forgot it when the dwarves came, followed by that little Pix too... Okay Plink, then you need to go to the Iceberg Fortress which hangs in the sky beyond the lands of the Ice and Crags, over the Naggarond mountainscape and meet the God Child. Only don't walk out of his realm, then he can follow you. After aqcuiring the Talisman of Bad Meat, reverse your footsteps by 5 par and longitude 67, then do a Scottish dance and sing Trippy La-La. then go see Archaon the Ever-Lord to take his daemonsteed and be careful of the daemons. I haven't finished hunting them all.And then go to Atldorf, where you will meet Grunger the Slayer. Only he slays mice. To get the potion of dreams to save Lodoss, you have to strip naked and dance in the street on Saturday the 32nd, which only comes around once every 52 years. Wearing a boot on your head might help. Then-

Syvia- QUIET! *duct tapes DHA's mouth*

Anamae- Mpphhg!

Syvia- Stop it or I'm gonna lose it too!

Syvia- **Rocker Baby**- I'm just thankful LOTR won a few things. *sighs* Thanks for the review. ^_^

At Long Last- A Plot

Syvia stood, pouting, annoyed at my previous comment.   
  
Syvia- *muttering* I don't think they're cheesy.  
  
Anamae- A little help here?!  
  
The rest of the group were fighting the wardens, knocking them off the roof or back down the way they'd come. Bucky finally chomped down on Syvia's leg in annoyance, threatening more violence if she didn't get a weapon and begin to do her part in the battle. Anamae ripped a scythe out of one Warden's hand and threw it to her friend. They proceeded to battle... and battle... and battle.   
The three vampires began to give each other breaks in action, so they could get a little of the blood they were so liberally spilling.  
Then there was the straight 8 hour fight between the three vampires and the Warden horde, fought so the two girls could get some sleep.  
The battle went on... and on... and- hey! *grins*   
*begins to sing*  
This is the fight that never ennnnnnnnnnds!  
It just goes on and on my frieeeeeeends!  
Some people, started fighting it, not knowing what it was-  
and they'll continue fighting it forever- just because-  
It is the fight that doesn't ennnnnnnnnnd-  
  
Warden 308- Uhgh! What is that horrible noise?  
  
Warden 795- My brain mechanics are short-circuiting!  
  
It just goes on and on-   
...suddenly the Wardens began to twitch wildly, electrical currents jumped from their hoods to their eyes, then they fell to the ground and lay still.  
The six fighters stood there for a minute.  
  
Damion- ...What just happened here?   


Faustus- The narrator's bad singing killed them all.  
  
Magnus- And they were robots too!  
  
Anamae- How the hell is that possible? There are no robots in this age or in Nosgoth ever! This is the stream powered age, not one filled with computers and all that crap.  
  
Damion- Well, maybe these guys were new experiments or something like that. Yeah, they must have been.  
  
Syvia- The revolution creates all sorts of new inventions. *twirling the scythe in her hands* I wish at least there was an invention to get down from here.  
  
And at that moment, the Sarafan Lord appeared at the top of the prison. He looked at everyone, and everyone stared back at him. This went on for quite a while, until I coughed politely and told them to get on with whatever story there might be left.  
  
Anamae- Wait a minute!!!! *everyone looks at her* Syv, since we didn't save Janos over 400 years ago, we can save him now! All we have to do is go to the Device and rescue him, and this time make sure there are no weapons around on which he can trip and impale himself with.  
  
Magnus- What is she talking about?  
  
Faustus- Long story. _I _don't even know.  
  
Bucky- Chirp chirp squeak! (Read the other chapters, buddy)  
  
Syvia- *gasp* That's a great idea! We can save the last of the Ancients!  
  
SL- How the hell did you know about that?! No one but me and the Hylden, who are secretly trying to take over the world, have that information!  
  
Syvia- I read the walkthrough.  
  
Anamae- Yeah, the ultimate source of power for people who play the games.  
  
Damion- Game? What do you mean by this?  
  
Anamae and Syvia were at a loss. Now they had given everything away that Nosgoth was in fact a game and everything like that. It looked like they had some explaining to do. But because I didn't want to give them such a hard time, I rewound time about 4 minutes before they told everyone that this was a game, but after they spilled the beans that the Sarafan Lord had Janos.  
  
Faustus- Okay then, so what do you girls intend to do?  
  
Syvia and Anamae- SAVE JANOS!!!!  
  
SL- Not if I can help it!!!!  
  
The big, bad, and altogether evil Hylden Lord charged the two girls at that moment, swinging the Soul Reaver from side to side. They screamed, dove for cover and let the vampires deal with the problem in front of them. Well Magnus and Damion were the only ones fighting; Faustus was still in the Sarafan's service and if he wanted to keep his hefty paycheck, then he knew it wouldn't be a good idea to get involved. Filing his claws, the vampire looked over at Anamae.  
  
Faustus- So how're you two going to get out of here?  
  
Syvia- Aren't you going to help them fight?  
  
Faustus- Hmmmmmmmmmm.............no.  
  
Bucky got very angry and tried to bite Faustus in the rear, but Anamae stopped the angry animal before he could touch Faustus' buns, which were her property (Anamae- Damn straight!) Then Syvia hit upon the biggest idea in her life. She took the cloaks from the dead guards and handed one end to Anamae while she held the other.  
  
Syvia- We jump off the edge, and these will billow out like a parachute. Then we simply glide down to the ground, find that opening that leads into the Device from the Eternal Prison, find Janos, save him and then we can all live happily ever after.  
  
Magnus gave a scream as the Sarafan Lord hit him in the ribs, then bashed his fist back into the Hylden's face. Damion had grabbed a hold of the SL's cape and was throwing it over the warrior's face, impairing his vision.  
  
Anamae- Okay then. Later boyos!!!!!  
  
And with that, Syvia and Anamae jumped off the edge of the prison, towards the choppy water below.   


They dropped to the stone path on the outside of the Prison and hit the ground running.   
  
Syvia- Wait- wait, Anamae. We need a Hylden's blood to free Janos. Kain got his sample from a Hylden inside the EP.  
  
Anamae- We don't really want to go back in there, do we?  
  
Syvia- No... we really really don't.   
  
Anamae- So how are we supposed to swing _that_?  
  
  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Syvia, Anamae and Bucky were standing outside the Blood Bank in the Hylden city, out in the middle of the ocean. How did they get there, you ask?  
  
Syvia & Anamae- _Don't_ ask.  
  
Ahem... They whistled innocently, waiting for their turn to go in, watching the various Hylden coming out of the building, swaying drunkenly and clutching little cups of orange juice.  
  
Anamae- Orange juice?  
  
*shrugs*   


So as one of the Hylden came by, a nurse to be exact, the two girls rushed her and took the blood sample that she had in the I.V. tube. Then they raced pell-mell back down to the docks before any of the Hylden could stop them, stole the closest boat - a watered down, rotting fisherman's boat - and set back out to sea.  
  
Bucky- *pulling at the oars* Chirppitiy! (Yeah!)  
  
Syvia- *using a megaphone* Pull- and- pull- and- pull!  
  
Anamae- Is this cruelty to animals?  
  
Syvia- Nope. Bucky said he wanted to man the oars.  
  
Anamae- Why?  
  
Syvia- He felt he was getting a little flabby around the middle.  
  
But at that moment the Hylden doctors, who were counting the blood bags, found one missing and raised the alarm. The nurse told the doctors that she had been jumped by two weird beings and the Hylden, in their jet-propelled, monkey navigated boats tore off after the humans to get their blood back.  
  
Well, good thing for Anamae and Syvia that they docked in the Meridian harbor, and not a moment too soon because said crappy boat they were riding in sunk straight to the bottom. They began racing towards the Device, Bucky struggling to keep up behind them because he was still tired, when the girls were stopped by the 400 foot tall iron wall that surrounded said Device in the heart of Meridian.  
  
Syvia- And we suppose to get in?  
  
Anamae- We don't have telekinesis. We might have to...climb.   


Syvia- *sighs* Well now that the teleportation plot holes have been banned, I suppose we'll have to.   
  
Anamae- *a thoughtful expression on her face* Well... We can't use it to teleport up there... but-   
  
She took out a useful little plot hole, reached in and pulled.. and pulled.. and pulled.. out a ladder. Syvia grinned.   
  
Syvia- Good one!  
  
Anamae propped the ladder up against the door frame and, holding it steady, gestured for Syvia to climb up it. The other girl just looked at her.  
  
Syvia- You can't be serious.  
  
Anamae- What? I'll hold it and you climb it.   
  
Syvia- No way! I'm scared of unsecured heights!   
  
Anamae- Unsecured?  
  
Syvia- Ones where you're not strapped into a seat of some kind. They freak me out!  
  
Anamae- You used that jet pack okay- _that _wasn't a seat.  
  
Syvia- It was strapped onto my back.  
  
Anamae- And not your butt- therefore-  
  
Syvia- It had straps- therefore it was secure!  
  
Anamae- You're being ridiculous!  
  
Then Bucky, who had been listening to the entire thing, began to chitter furiously at both of the girls. They turned to him, startled, as the squirrel scurried up the ladder and activated the symbol.  
  
Anamae- Okay, now I feel a little silly.  
  
Syvia grinned, blushing as she agreed. Bucky hopped back down the ornately carved walls and took up residence on Syvia's shoulder. Anamae led the small group into the door. 

=======================================  


Anamae- Okay, the reviews and chapters are finished! Rock AWAY! *chucks the rock* 

Syvia- Oh dear. 

Marcus- *from below* Oh, my aching head! Who threw that rock, who threw it at me, Nosgoth's most beloved vampire? 

Anamae- *snickers* *looks at Syvia* What? It was the bald head! It's like there's a target on there that only I can see! 

Syvia- And how is it then that we're going to save Janos? 

Anamae- Fate and destiny? 

Syvia- *starts crying*


	6. Unexpected Guests

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors' Complaints: 

Anamae- ... *checks watch* ...... *checks day calendar* .... *checks monthly calendar* .............

.......

..........

*checks Murphy of Murphy's Rentals*

Murphy- Nope, she hasn't been around in a while.

Anamae- *grumbles and sits down again* 

*Syvia runs in, out of breath, and sits down*

Anamae- *slowly turns to look at her*

Syvia- *smiles nervously* 

Anamae- *pulls a bazooka out of hammerspace and shoots Syvia in the face with a rabid Chihuahua. Syvia falls to the floor, shrieking as she's clawed.* ........... *smiles* Suddenly I feel much better...

Syvia- *still shrieking*

Authors' Notes:

*Syvia (with several small bandages and bruises on her face) and Anamae are sitting inside a bland white room with a dull clock up against the wall. It ticks forwards, then goes backwards*

Syvia- Anamae, did you see that?

Anamae- Yeah.

Syvia- Why did that happen?

Anamae- *points* Because he's here.

*Hash'ak'gik enters the boring room from a boring white door set in the far wall, then takes the seat that appears for no reason beside Syvia*

Syvia- Anamae, can I switch chairs with you?

Anamae- Scared of him?

Syvia- Yes.

Anamae- Fine. *gets up and changes places with Syvia* *looks at the demon* So...you like chess?

Hash- *glowers* Yes.

Syvia- *grabs the letters* And to make sure I don't become part of that game, I'm going to answer these letters. -_- Why are there so few?

****

Discordia- ^_^ We're doing our best... but the outlook isn't good- we just haven't been that successful in our rescues lately. *sighs* ^_^ Yes- fate is a tricksy monster, and sometimes demon, and sometimes, oddly enough, angel- but it can't be counted on. :-p

****

Concept- *nods sagely* That's because you've been paying attention. ^_^

****

VladimirsAngel- *hugs tightly* God bless you for your fics! That has nothing to do with this review (although I thank you much for that too) but I just needed to take this time to thank you for giving me time outs from my mundane, worrisome life & making me laugh. *hugs again*

Anamae- *taps Syv on the shoulder* Back to the reviews, maybe?

Syvia- *clears her throat* Yes... I'm not done with that, am I?

****

Fallen Templar- *snerk* *lots of applause* Oh- hey, can I have his mask for a keepsake? I've got the perfect place to hang it... ^_^ Thanks. 

****

Sephiroth- *winks* See- you have to keep watching- if you don't, you may miss the very event that you'd been asking to see! Thanks for the review. 

Thank you, lastly, to the reader who was nice enough to email me with their review. *tears well up in her eyes* I am so, _so _sorry it took me so long to update that I've forgotten who you are. *smacks herself* And it's probably someone I know really well, which is why I thought I'd remember and, thusly, forgot-

Anamae- *pausing in her move* Syv, you're rambling. Stop it.

~..............................................Unexpected Guests..............................................~

Suddenly one of the Hylden, posing as a Glyph mechanic, rushed up to the two girls.   
  
Mechanic- Heyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Where did you two come from?  
  
Syvia- From the other side of the door.  
  
Mechanic- I know that! But from before that!  
  
Anamae- The street before reaching the door from which we just passed through.  
  
Mechanic- Oh, getting cheeky now, are we? C'mon girls, fess up.  
  
Syvia and Anamae looked at each other. They were just telling the simple truth, which was hard for them because they were both compulsive liars to the extreme, putting even Moebius to shame time and time again.  
  
Moebius- *comes in* I resent that. *leaves*  
  
They decided to tell the whole truth and get everything cleaned up.  
  
Syvia- We come from another world-  
  
Anamae- -that is more advanced than your own-  
  
Syvia- -and we first tried, over 500 years ago, to save Janos Audron-  
  
Anamae- -but we failed and since we know he is a prisoner here-  
  
Syvia- -we're going to save him and destroy the Device-  
  
In Chorus- -and there's nothing that you can do about it!  
  
The mechanic looked at the girls and then at their little pet animal, confused with everything that they were telling him. He had only come over here because he was a second cousin twice removed from his aunt's side of the family that was distantly related to the Sarafan Lord. He only got this job because of family connections and everything he knew about these humans scared him. . .except for the women. They were a lot better looking than Hylden women. The mechanic took out a stamp and cleared his throat.  
  
Mechanic- I need to stamp your hands to make sure you can go in and out, alright?  
  
Anamae- Okay.  
  
Syvia- Sure. *get their hands stamped; Bucky gets stamped on the forehead*  
  
Bucky- *string of curse words*  
  
Mechanic- Hey. *taps Syvia on the shoulder*  
  
Syvia- What?  
  
Mechanic- Why do you have that blood?  
  
Syvia looked at Anamae for assistance, but she already saw the young woman rushing off to the entrance to the Device with Bucky. Some help she was going to be. So Syvia did the only thing she could do. Taking the ladder that was somehow nearby, she whapped the Hylden over the head and followed her friend.  
  
Mechanic- *slurring his words* What a woman!  
  
Because I am a kind narrator, I will no longer call him a mechanic but give him a very Hyldenish name, one filled with awe, one unsurpassed in power and majesty, the name that makes people quake in fear and respect alike. The mechanic will now be called James! *in the background, James faints* The small group descended the stairs and twisting paths which led them closer and closer to the heart of the Device. Then they stumbled across the room which held the Beast. They looked at him, he looked at them and then everything seemed to be *tries to fit in a word here*. . .  
  
Beast- I remember you two girls. You're the ones that didn't save me the first time.  
  
Anamae- JANOS! *runs towards him, then hits the field and is thrown back* Ouch...  
  
Syvia- You've changed.  
  
Beast/Janos- Yeah, de-evolution is a bitch, isn't it? So are you two going to try and save me again?  
  
Anamae- What else is new?  
  
Beast/Janos- *sighs* I hope it will go better than last time.   


The girls grinned sheepishly at each other and ran off down the corridor towards the device. Janos.. from me to you- I wouldn't hold out much hope.   
  
Janos- *grimaces* Believe me, I don't. *sighs*  
  
Meanwhile, the girls had just come across a couple of Hylden.   
  
Anamae- *pointing* Eww! Eww! I didn't know they were anorexic!   
  
The Hylden stopped, looked at each other, then started running towards them again.  
  
Hylden 1- Uhhh! Ooo-ah!   
  
Anamae- *unsheathing a sword* What in the world was that?!  
  
Syvia- *facing off with the other* Their battle cries.   
  
Anamae- They sound like old men with hemorrhoids.  
  
Hylden 2- _Excuse_ me?  
  
Whereupon Anamae cut off his head. Syvia quickly finished the other and they moved deeper into the area.   
  
Anamae- Why do we have to fight Hylden now?   
  
Syvia- They're the bad guys.  
  
Anamae- No, I meant why do we have to fight them now when we've never had to fight them before?   
  
Syvia- They're in this part of the game.  
  
Anamae- You're sure?  
  
Syvia- Pretty sure.  
  
Another Hylden appeared, followed by one of those weird demons with bad breath.   
  
Anamae- Ewww! What in hell is that?!   
  
Syvia- *looking nervous* Just kill it!  
  
The Hylden went down easily compared to the demon, which the girls spent a good fifteen minutes swatting- and I mean literally swatting, because they were barely putting any force behind their swings-

Syvia- Back to the story please!

- at it before they managed to get close and deal the finishing blow.  
  
Anamae- ...Eww. So _those _are in this level too?  
  
Syvia- I can't really remember. Narrator?  
  
I'm afraid so.  
  
Anamae- *looking suspicious* Can I have a second opinion?  
  
A BO2 game guide suddenly dropped onto the floor in front of them.  
Syvia braced her sword under her arm and picked it up, holding it up for them both to read.   
  
Anamae- *points* Oh, look. There they are. They're definitely in this level.  
  
Syvia- *sighs* Damn. I hate those things.   
  
Anamae- Oh well. No rest for the wicked.   
  
She smirked evilly, hefted her sword and walked off. Syvia hastily tucked the guide into the back of her jeans, righted her sword and followed.   


Now armed with the Complete Blood Omen 2 Walkthrough, one would think that Syvia and Anamae could easily complete the level, destroy the Device, then race back and free Janos. Right? _Right_? Well... _not_ exactly...  
  
Anamae- Narrator, why are you against us again?  
  
Because it makes everything more fun. Sure you guys might be the heroes in this story and all that, but what is life without a few stone walls and pit falls in your way? It makes it so much more fun to read about all that bad things that will happen before the good.  
  
Syvia- What are you planning?  
  
Suddenly Hash'ak'git-

Syvia- Isn't that Hash'ak'_gik_?

I like Hash'ak'git better. 

Anamae- Well... he _is _a git.

Exactly. Suddenly Hash'ak'git appeared on the walkway leading towards the Device.  
  
Anamae- HEY! That's no fair! He's not even in this game! Narrator! Narrator, answer us!  
  
.... *no response*  
  
Hash- *blinking his eyes* What the? One moment I was at home watching television and now I'm here? What gives? They promised to leave me alone after all I did for them. I tried to kill Kain but he killed me so I got to retire. Now the Hylden don't even stick to retirement packages?  
  
Then the black demon happened to look over and see Syvia and Anamae. They stared at him, he stared right back. Bucky, who was the only one not paralyzed by fear, did the first thing that came to his little mind. He charged Hash and bit him on the leg.  
  
Hash- OUCH!!!!!  
  
Spurred on by this act of bravery (or maybe stupidity's more accurate, because who's really going to charge a demon?) Anamae and Syvia charged after the squirrel. The walkway was quite long, so the girls had ample time for conversation as they rushed headlong at the flailing demon.   
  
Anamae- Do we have anything resembling a plan?  
  
Syvia- Uh....  
  
Anamae- I'll take that as a 'no'.  
  
Syvia- Swords out?  
  
Anamae- *sudden flash of inspiration* No! Just keep on running!  
  
Syvia- *speeding up with Anamae* Why? What are we doing?  
  
Anamae- _Ramming speed!_  
  
Anamae laughed manically as she charged Hash'ak'gik, earning a concerned glance from Syvia. You're right to be worried, girl- she's a little crazy right now.  
  
Syvia- *groans*  
  
Hash'ak'git managed to fling Bucky to the ground seconds before the girls ran up, their shoulders connecting with the demon's stomach- the momentum they'd built up knocking him backwards into the Device's open maw. As Syvia and Anamae watched, amazed- it swallowed the demon... and belched loudly.  
  
Upstairs, surrounded by the force field, Janos clutched his stomach.   
  
Janos- I think I'm going to be sick... 

====================================

  
Hash- King me.

Anamae- You cheated.

Hash- No.

Anamae- Yes, you did.

Hash- ...Ma jhong me.

Anamae- We're not even playing that game!

Syvia- *tugs on Anamae's shirt* Maybe you should just leave him alone.

Anamae- No, he cheated and he's gonna pay!

*And so the demon hunter tried to attack the demon, living up to her namesake*

Syvia- *taking over narration* The fight raged long into the night with chessboard pieces, ma jhong tiles and checkers used as assorted weapons. The room was no longer white and plain, but black, blue and bumpy, reflecting the condition of Anamae's body, and the backwards clock actually skipped a century or two. And this isn't making any sense. Why the hell this room has anything to do with LoK I don't know, but still- 

*Bucky suddenly charges in and scratches Syvia's face, causing her to collapse to the ground in agony, making this even more pointless now*


	7. They All Came to Sanctuary

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors' notes:

Noblewoman- How rude! *is shoved aside*

Fat Nobleman- *is pushed into a street lamp* I do say, watch where you're going, there!

Anamae- Hey, buddy- if my butt were as big as yours, I'd attach a bumper sticker to it, and some rear lights to warn people that you're coming! 

Fat Nobleman- *flustered* Such uncouth words!

Anamae- I could be even _more _uncouth! For example, I could tell you to stick that walking cane of yours right up your big, fat-

Syvia- *pushing her way through the crowd to Anamae's side* Ah, ah, ah- no! Anamae! *grabs the young woman and drags her through the crowded streets of the Upper City* Don't start a brawl here. That guy looked ready to club you over the head.

Anamae- *scoffs, waves that away* He would have a heart attack if he tried to lift that cane of his! I should tell him some fat jokes and see if it does anything to his completion. *looks elsewhere, now bored* *perks up suddenly* Hey, an open doorway leading somewhere!

*She goes into the opened doorway and down the hallway. Syvia sighs and goes after her, but stops when Bucky grabs her ankle. On his back he's carrying a sack full of letters* 

Syvia- Reviews? 

Bucky- Screee! ^_^

Syvia- But Anamae is- 

*Suddenly Anamae runs out of the building, a large rat rushing after her. She slams the door in the thing's face, throws a barrel in front of the door and props the nobleman's cane up there as well.* 

Fat Nobleman- AHHH! *falls onto the ground* 

Syvia- *gives her friend a look* 

Anamae- Don't ask! *sees the letters* Reviews, eh? Let's get down to it!

Syvia- **Concept of a Demon**- *grins* Danger is our middle name! Well, actually, it's stupidity- but anyway-

Anamae- **Raziella Darkmoon- **thanx grl, here's more ficcy

Syvia- **Sephiroth**- :-D You're welcome. Glad that you're loving it. 

Anamae- **Rocker Baby**- Excuse me? _Excuse _me? Are you trying to order _me _around?! 

Syvia- *grabs Anamae as she tries to lunge at Rocker Baby* Anamae- there's no reason to... what am I saying- there's _every _reason to. *lets go of Anamae, who proceeds to wail on Rocker Baby's ass* Thanks for the review, though... such as it was. *shrieking from off screen* And thus I carry on. *Syvia continues to read reviews* Ooh! 

****

Crystarr- Hey buddy! ^_^ *clicks a glass of watermelon-flavored alcohol with Crystarr's glass* Thankee for the review and the booze. ^_^ 

****

VladimirsAngel- Another buddy! ^_^ Heh, the infamous Scrabble set. Wait... it belongs to _Lupa_, and she gets annoyed with _Vladimir _for playing it? *considers* Yeah... that sounds like Vladimir and Lupa all right. Heh. *covers Janos' ears with her hands* Shhh! *winces at the bandages, but smiles* So are you. ^_^ And here we all are in the great constellation of LoK fics! *looks around* Oh look, there's DHA's star in Faustus'... uh... *weak grin* heh heh heh.... 

****

Fallen Templar- Heh, you're not wrong. *shrugs* We're just allowing him to be the best squirrel he can be. *whispers* Which is pretty dang violent & potty-mouthed at times. Woo-hoo! One mask for me! ^_^ *drools at the torture* ooooh....... do do that voodoo that you do so well... *shakes herself out of that

****

Discordia- Finally. :-p Thanks for the understanding. ^_^ Heh, not all the wrongs are righted, but they're _all _funny. :-D

****

Ratface- *looks at watch* Riiiiight abouuuuut..... now! *continued sounds of DHA and Rocker Baby fighting in the background*

~..............................................They All Came to Sanctuary............................................~

The Hylden caretaker looked over at Janos and sighed.  
  
Caretaker- Look, I'm the only janitor keeping this place spotless and it isn't easy. So do something for me, mac, and don't puke all over your cage, okay? They don't pay me enough. *goes back to sweeping*  
  
Well, the Device made a few burbling sounds as Anamae and Syvia, along with Bucky, stood around it, then there was the distinct sound of someone....well, sounding like they had eaten a full buffet and it hadn't agreed with them at all. What was worse- it _smelled _like that as well.  
  
Bucky- *holding his nose* Yucky! Chirp! (Yucky! Chirp!)  
  
Anamae- *grinning madly* At least now Hash'ak'git has something interesting to write in his memoirs. A few lines beginning with: 'How two girls that were not friends or even fangirls charged me' and then from there on....*Syvia gives her a strange look* What?  
  
Syvia- Never mind. Now let's see what the Complete Strategy Guide calls for. *flips through it* Pour Hylden blood into the Device. Let sit for about 3 minutes, then mix 50 times... shake gently and bake at 450 degrees for ten minutes.  
  
Anamae- *raised eyebrows* It actually says that?  
  
It did, as she found out. So Syvia uncapped the Hylden blood that had somehow managed to survive the trip and, humming Raziel's theme, the girls poured the contents into the Device.

The building begin to shake.  
  
Syvia- Is this suppose to happen? *sees girders fall down, gasps* Anamae, we gotta get outta here! *looks around* Where are you?  
  
Syvia, she's already running across the platform to the elevator on the other side.  
  
Syvia- What? *sees Anamae already waiting at the elevator* You coward!  
  
Anamae- Hey! I could have left you behind, couldn't I? *Syvia flings herself into the elevator as the walkway collapses* That was not cowardice! It's called saving one's butt with style!   
  
With a pull of the lever, the elevator shot upwards at a fantastic speed, the dangerous amount of G force plastering the girls and squirrel to the ground. The Device and everything surrounding it began to go up in flames. As Syvia screamed and held onto Bucky in terror, Anamae let out a wild whoop and began to cackle with glee.  
  
She really is insane, you know that, Syvia?  
  
Syvia- *moans* Please don't remind me!  
  
The elevator finally arrived at the main level and Syvia jumped to the ground and started kissing it.  
  
Syvia- *kiss* Eww, that tasted like peanuts. *kiss* And this tastes like grape soda. *kiss* And this tastes like....well, I'm not saying anything but you get the drift!  
  
Anamae- *grabbing Syvia* C'mon, now we can go back to Janos! We saved him this time!   


And when they got there-  
  
Anamae- Woah! *wolf whistle* Where did you get fashion sense?!  
  
The two young women stared at Janos, who wore a pair of the traditional leather pants and an odd kind of shirtless-shirt/belt combo.  
  
Janos- I suppose it came back with me from death.  
  
Anamae- I didn't think you were into jewelry....  
  
Syvia- How did that happen by the way? *pulls out a pad of paper and a pencil and jams a funny little hat on her head* Inquiring minds want to know.  
  
Janos- Well, I got a pair of earrings from Vorador for my three-thousandth birthday-  
  
Syvia- Not that! Your resurrection!  
  
Janos- Oh, well the story isn't THAT interesting, but if you really want to know...  
  
Anamae, Syvia, Bucky- *nodnodnodnod*  
  
Janos- It happened like this -****************** ****************************************************This information has been removed to save the readers from LoK: Defiance spoilers. *****************************************************************  
  
Readers- That's not fair!  
  
Ah, who asked ya'!?   
  
The two girls and their squirrel were sitting on the floor, mouths hanging open in amazement. Janos grinned smugly, enjoying their reaction to the story.   
  
Syvia- Now, I never expected THAT, that's for sure.  
  
Anamae- Talk about a plot twist.  
  
Bucky- Squeaky. (Darn tootin'.)  
  
Janos- Come, let us go to Sanctuary and tell Vorador the good news.  
  
Anamae- Vorador, huh? 

Then the 'Vorador likes Syvia' gag from the first fic walked up to Syvia and hit her upside the head with a rubber chicken, smiled, bowed at the hordes of cheering readers, and walked out. Syvia rubbed her head and whimpered.  
  
Anamae smirked and glanced slyly at Syvia, who swatted her on the shoulder. Anamae merely smirked wider and twiddled her fingers behind her back- one of which still displayed the fake wedding band. As Janos took each girl by the hand, (Bucky had taken up his customary seat on Syvia's shoulder) Syvia made a grab for the ring. Janos began the teleportation spell with Anamae smirking and Syvia glaring.   


Because Syvia had grabbed for Anamae's ring (which was her own because she had thought of the idea well in advance and now Syvia couldn't help but be angry that she hadn't thought of it) she messed up the teleportation spell.   
  
Oh, they all wound up in Sanctuary...

but not all in a dignified manner....  
  
Janos teleported into the middle of the building underground, arriving in high style with his wings displayed and a wind blowing from somewhere, making him look all the more bishi and mystical. All the female vampires looked at the new arrival and couldn't help but swoon, even if they were already married to Vorador (as if that really mattered). 

That was how Janos came to Sanctuary.

Bucky had scrambled up to Janos' shoulder when the Syvia/Anamae scuffle began, so he too arrived in high style, looking cute and mystical, wind blowing his fluffy tail around. The female vampires who managed to revive in the face of Janos' bishiness fainted again at the cuteness of Bucky. Even the little chipmunk PoPo squeaked in delight as little rodents were finally being mentioned in the games - then promptly fainted as well. Bucky puffed out his chest even more.

That was how _Bucky _came to Sanctuary.  
  
Now to Anamae: *camera panes around quickly, looking for her* Hmm, she doesn't seem to be in the Sanctuary at all. Let's try outside. *view changes to outside* Oh-ho, there she is. What a wild and free spirit she is!  
  
Anamae- _Screw you, narrator! _How can I be wild and free when I am dangling from the rain gutter, the seat of my pants caught on the metal? Get me down from here!  
  
So I did. The pipe broke and Anamae fell into the Sanctuary, making a nice little hole of herself that would have to be repaired later and falling on one of the male vampires, breaking his left leg and right arm. 

That was how _she _came to Sanctuary.   
  
Now as for Syvia... *grins*  
  
Janos- You didn't.  
  
Anamae- Did you?  
  
I did.  
  
Anamae- Why?!  
  
Because I love doing this sort of thing!  
  
Janos- Did anyone ever tell you that you are one of the most annoying narrators in existance?  
  
Watch it buddy or else I could make this rescue end just like the first one! Janos shut up rather quickly and tried to get the multiple brides to stop pawing him. And now- where Syvia ended up. *snickers*  
  
Anamae- Man, you _do _have a sadistic side.  
  
Now Syvia had also arrived at Sanctuary *Anamae breaths a sigh of relief* in Vorador's bedroom.  
  
Anamae- WHAT?!?!  
  
Syvia had with her the 'wedding ring' that Anamae had used before and was just slipping it onto her finger when she looked at her surroundings. Thick velvet drapes covered the stone walls and windows, the floor was carpeted a deep wine red, there was very expensive furniture lying around and then she realized that she was in a coffin. Yes, inside a white silk-lined coffin with Vorador beside her. Syvia had masterfully managed to fall in beside the horny vampire.  
  
Vorador- *wakes up, looks over, surprised* Syvia, we meet again after all this time! ...How on earth did you remain so young? *looks her over, leers*  
  
Syvia- Narrator, remind me to kill you after this...  
  
No.   
  
Vorador- So have you finally decided that perhaps there can be something between us, my dear? I am looking for a new bride and you could fit the bill very nicely. *leans into her* In fact if you give me half a chance, I am sure I could convince you that you and I are soul mates.  
  
Syvia- *climbing (falling) quickly out of the coffin in a record time of 0.003 seconds* Vorador, so (not) good to see you too! Umm look, I already _am _married! *holds up the wedding ring*  
  
Vorador- *climbing out of the coffin with a somber look on his face* Oh, then who is the unfortunate man whom I must kill? He can't be taking care of you because you don't look tended to. 

He approached Syvia, motioning to the ruined clothing she wore and the dirt on her face. She _didn't _look tended to, but after running halfway to hell and back again, hey, who would?

Syvia- *backing away from Vorador, glances at the Narrator* Uh... thanks.  
  
Hey, I'm not _totally _against you. Then, as Syvia bumped into the wall and Vorador started backing her into the corner, she quickly had to think up a name or something even _worse _would happen . . . but what it is I won't say because . . . because! Syvia, by this time, had become annoyed at the implication that she needed someone to look after her and stopped backing up. Vorador took the opportunity to put a hand on her shoulder. The girl didn't even notice. Don't worry though- she will. *smirks*  


Syvia- Tended to? _Tended to_?! I don't need tending! Why I-  
  
Then she remembered what Vorador had said about killing and stopped her rant.   
  
Syvia- Uh... actually, I can't tell you!  
  
Vorador- *sighs, rubs his forehead* Just tell me, my dear. He deserves to die for neglecting you.  
  
Syvia- I _really_ can't tell you because I- uh... don't know his name!  
  
Vorador- What?  
  
Syvia- *talking very quickly* Oh yes, it was one of those ancient ceremonies where the couple goes to the alter blindfolded and they don't get to reveal their faces until after the vows have been given. 

Syvia attempted to back away from Vorador, but the vampire's hand was more or less welded to her shoulder by this time, and the girl sprang back like a rubber band. Hey, hon, you gave him the opening. Syvia whimpered softly as her attempts to move Vorador's hand went completely unnoticed.   
  
Vorador- *pulling her in closer* So you got married and did not see his face, learn his name or anything else?  
  
Syvia- *shoving her elbow into his stomach* Yes that's right!  
  
Vorador- *tilting her chin up* Well then, what did he look like?  
  
Syvia- *'deer in the headlights' look as Vorador leans down for a kiss* Uh...  
  
Actually, I'd say you've got more of a 'deer in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler doing 130 with the driver leaning out the window and whooping like a cowboy' look, but that's just me. *clears throat* But just then, Anamae and Janos burst into the room and, seeing his Maker for the first time in centuries, Vorador dropped Syvia in surprise.  
  
Syvia- Ow! Really?!   
  
Yeah, I think I've made you squirm long enough.  
  
Syvia- Oh thankyou thankyou thankyou!  
  
Anamae- Syvia are you okay?  
  
Syvia- *profoundly relieved smile* The narrator took pity on me!   
  
Vorador- *wide eyes* Master, is that you?!   


Janos- Yes, it is me, you incompetent child! Who would have thought that you, of all people, would not come to rescue me but these two girls did? What was I thinking when I made you?!  
  
Vorador- *puppy-dog eyes* Father, are you angry at me?  
  
Anamae- I think he is. *snickers*  
  
Vorador- Hey, shut up!  
  
And with that the vampire who looked like the Grinch (c'mon, it's true people) tried to take out Anamae's eyes. She jumped back and bumped into Janos, who in turn bumped into Syvia, who fell into the coffin with Janos on top of her. And the latch clicked shut.  
  
Vorador- So he was the one in the blindfolded wedding?  
  
Anamae- Huh?  
  
Vorador- Read the above to understand what I mean. I'm too lazy to say it.  
  
Anamae looked up, read, then looked back over at Vorador.  
  
Anamae- You're such a dog.  
  
Vorador- *growls* Shut up!  
  
Janos- *muffled inside the coffin* Can someone please help us out? It is very tight in here!   


=================================================

Anamae- *sing-song* And on that note- *Syvia is blushing fiercely* we end the chapter!

Syvia- It's a lot more innocent than it sounds!

Anamae- *snickers* _Suuuuuuuuure _it is.

Syvia- Really! Hit us with 10 reviews and I'll _prove _it's more innocent than it sounds.

Anamae- *snickering* It's not, really people.

Syvia- You lie!!!!

Anamae- Yeah, but I do it better than other people.

Moebius- *comes in* Better than me.

Anamae- I'm on par with you, buddy. We took the same class together.

Syvia- Do I want to know about this?

Anamae- *looks to the people* Ten reviews!


	8. If You Give a Vamp a Mobile

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors' babbling:

*both DHA and Syvia are sitting on two mats that are floating inside a black void. Its the latest thing, to be stuck inside a black void where nothing/everything happens and were you have to hold you breath until you're out of the black void and make a wish. If you don't hold you breath the whole time, then you don't get your wish*

Syvia- You'll notice this chapter is extra long. That's because I didn't really like where it ended & decided to give an extra long chapter in order to have more of a point to it. Hope you enjoy the slightly extended format. ^_^ *goes back to holding her breath, her face turns blue*

Anamae- *her face is now a deep blue; gives the thumbs up*

Authors' notes:

Syvia- _:And since I'm not going to be able to do that again, this chapter, we're going to read the reviews using telepathy.: _^_^

Anamae- _:I'll go first. **Raziella- **Aww, Janos appreciates your sympathy, hon. Syvia's too annoyed right now, but she'll thank you later. Heh- Vorador's skull is too thick for anything to penetrate- but we'll certainly try.:_

Syvia- **_:Discordia- _**I appreciate both of those! Good luck with your journals, and don't worry- we're in for the long haul with this fic. We just keep rollin' rollin' rollin'.:

Anamae- _:Keep those doggies rollin'! Rawhiiiiiiiiiiiide! *clears throat* **Concept- **So're we. It'll be a while, *sighs* but worth the wait (we hope). Hey- argue with the Narrator. _She's _the one who thinks he looks like the Grinch.:_

Syvia- _:*blandly* Gee, aren't you commanding? **VladimirsAngel- **I said it was completely innocent, dangit! Why doesn't anyone believe me?!? *fails to notice the sign which reads 'For coffin sex, call 1800- *** - ****' that Anamae is holding up behind her* *laughs* Thank you. ^_^ *glomps*:_

Anamae- _:*takes the Stick With A Nail In It (TM)* Ooooooooooooooh! ^_^ *evil cackle* I'll have a _lot _of fun with this later on. **Shadowrayne-** Thank you! Don't worry about it, we always love reviews- even for the completed stories! How did Hash'ak'gik get into Blood Omen 2? *shrugs* The Narrator's insanity- nothing more. Of _course _Syv is the target for smut humor. With me, it wouldn't be smut _humor_, it'd just be smut. ^_^:_

Syvia- **_:Fallen Templar- _***whistles* God, I don't want to ask for details, but as the great Alan Rickman said in 'Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves'- "Because it's dull_, you twit- it'll hurt more!" :-D And thanks, but at this point, it's a dying hope for me. *shrugs*:_

Anamae- _:You've got to be more optimistic, Syv. **Rocker Baby- **No, I'm not Satan- but he _is _my uncle. I go to visit him every second Tuesday. Thanks for the review. :-) LoK: Defiance can't own my soul- I've already sold it.:_

Syvia- _:Oh? To whom?:_

Anamae- _:Murphy of Murphy's rentals. Gave me a great deal.:_

Syvia- _:Uh-huh. **Sephiroth**- Asking for 10 reviews is just a prompt to get more people to respond to our fics. If we actually _got _10 reviews in, oh, say- three days- then the next chapter would be available within two days of the tenth review. But it doesn't happen that often. See, Sephiroth, we're lazy-ass writers, but since we made the promise of 10 reviews= a new chapter, we deliver on that promise. Or we _would_, if we were to get 10 reviews.:_

Anamae- _:*nodding in agreement* But unless it happens, you're all subject to Syvia's mercy, and when she feels like having us update. *shrugs* It's all up to you guys. But that's enough of that. Enjoy the chapter!:_

~...........................................If You Give A Vamp A Mobile...........................................~

Vorador- If it's _tight_ in there, I'd think you'd be having a good time!  
  
Anamae- Oh that sounded _so_ wrong.   
  
Syvia- *muffled* Shut _up_ Anamae!  
  
Anamae snickered in response. As did I. *snicker snicker*  
  
Syvia- *muffled* I guess the narrator didn't take pity on me after all.  
  
Janos- *muffled* Gee, do you think so?  
  
Anamae- Okay Vorador.  
  
Vorador- *sulking* What?  
  
She wants you to get them out.  
  
Vorador- Are you planning to make that easy for me?  
  
Hey, buddy, I'm not going to do anything. You're going to make problems _all by yourself_. At that point, Anamae saw Vorador was planning to be a pain in the ass, so she signaled to Bucky, who was standing nearby with a screwdriver, so he could take the hinges off of the other side of the coffin.  
  
Syvia- *muffled* Wouldn't it be faster if he just went for the latch?   
  
What fun would that be?  
  
Syvia- *muffled, sarcastic* Oh yeah, that's true.

Anamae- And it takes too long.

Syvia- *muffled* How can it take longer to take off the hinges than to open the latch?

Anamae considered the closing mechanism on the coffin, which consisted of a deadbolt, electronic keypad, padlock, slide-lock, and various other things that, combined would take at least fifteen minutes to open.

Anamae- Just take my word for it, okay? *to Vorador* Having trouble keeping your brides locked in for the night?

Vorador- *glares* I don't want anyone to walk in and stake me while I'm sleeping.

Anamae- I'd think the locks should be on the _in_side of the coffin.

Vorador- Why? I can lock them and then teleport into bed.

Anamae- Ah... I guess that makes sense...

Syvia- Excuse me... can we get back to the human in the coffin? 

Janos- And what am I, chopped liver?  
  
Vorador- So _when_ exactly did you marry my father, Syvia? In fact, I remember you were trying to save him the first time you came to me for help. You've wanted him all along, haven't you?  
  
Anamae- More or less, yeah, she has.  
  
Syvia- *muffled* I have not!  
  
Vorador laughed cynically.   
  
Syvia- *muffled* I wanted to _meet_ him, not date him! Oh, and speaking of such, 'Hi Janos, it's nice to meet you.'  
  
Janos- *muffled* I'm very pleased to meet you as well.  
  
Vorador- Then what was all that about a wedding?  
  
Syvia- *muffled* I _lied_, okay? I don't want a romantic situation with you or anyone else! Somehow self-insert fics always end up that way and I want to be _original_.  
  
Anamae- Aww, originality is no fun, Syv!   
  
Vorador- And how would you know?!  
  
Syvia- *muffled* You know, coffins are very nice- FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE TO _BREATHE_! GET ME OUT OF HERE, NOW!  
  
Inside the coffin, Janos winced at her shrill tone. Then Bucky gave a triumphant chirp as he took out the last screw. Nosgothians have screws? ...That sounded wrong. Then the entire cast smirked at me. Anyway- Janos flung the coffin lid open, hitting Vorador (who was standing too close to it) in the head. He went down like a sack of potatoes- in pain, but awake. Anamae covered her mouth with her hands and stared at him with wide eyes.   
  
Anamae- Oh, that _had _to hurt! If his skull weren't so thick, I'd be worried about a concussion.  
  
Janos- Ooooh, sorry, son.   


Vorador stared accusingly at his supposed lovable 'father' then began to cry like a 5 year old.  
  
Vorador- I want my wives! Wahhhhh!  
  
Anamae- Wuss. Seriously, I've been fried by lightning, nearly killed falling down who knows how many holes, incinerated once, fought against demons, went through time and I survived! It was painful but I survived. And you got hit in the head with a coffin and you're crying for your _wives_?  
  
Syvia- *shakes her head* Pathetic. This is another of the many reasons that I don't want to _date _him, much less marry him.  
  
At that moment all the wives (about 230 or so) came in through the door, managed to pick up Vorador at the same time cuddling him, then vanished with him back into the main part of the Sanctuary with their green-skinned husband. Yeah, what a wuss.  
  
Vorador- Shut up! *starts crying again*  
  
Syvia- So now what happens?  
  
Anamae- Simple. We keep Janos safe for the rest of his life.  
  
Janos: Do you realize how long the rest of my life is going to _be_?  
  
Bucky- Squeaker chirp chippy chirp squeek. (Considering all the stress you've been through, I doubt your old ticker can last that much longer)  
  
Syvia- ...no.  
  
Janos- I am precisely over 5,000 years old-  
  
Anamae- And not looking a day over a distinguished 50!  
  
Janos- -and can live well into the next 5 millennia.  
  
This never had occurred to Syvia and Anamae. They really didn't know all that much about the Ancients, save they had blue skin, black/blue hair, wings, yellow eyes and were very, very powerful. It would have also helped them had they finished the paper they were writing about _The Supposed Origins and Secrets of the Ancients_ but since they didn't have Janos or any of his kind with them at the time, they had to make everything up as they went. And believe me, after reading it Janos, I can tell _you _that most of it **was** made up! I dunno how you people managed to raze mountains to the ground or uplift the ocean and throw it into the sky, but still...  
  
Janos- Somehow I believe it.  
  
Syvia- Well... we could live for a while too, couldn't we Anamae?  
  
Anamae- Yeah, we could somehow get the power of immortality with us. *smiles* I could always get Faustus to give me that! Ohh, Syvia that means you'd have to find someone for you; I ain't sharing!  
  
Syvia- *laughs* Meanie.  
  
Girls, a word with you. Janos, can you please wait outside?  
  
Janos- With the many wives? *looks tense*  
  
Yes. This is girl talk and since you're not a girl - *consolingly* sensitive enough to be one, but anyhoo - you'll have to go and wait outside. Goodbye now, goodbye, goodbye. *waits until Janos leaves the room; the three huddle with Bucky* Squirrel, you too.  
  
Bucky- Phooey! *leaves, moaning about how he's not sensitive enough to be a girl*  
  
Okay, now let's get one thing straight. All you have to do is keep Janos out of the Hylden's hands until after Kain does his little victory dance and beat the Sarafan Lord, then once said aliens are good and trapped, Janos will be okay and he can go back to being the most beloved, yet hunted vampire in Nosgoth.  
  
Anamae- Sounds like a plan.  
  
Syvia- Then where's Kain?  
  
Well, he's coming now. And sorry to say, he's also being tailed by a helluva lot of Sarafan. They finally got smart and realized if they played spy and followed Kain wherever he went, they wouldn't be killed and they'd eventually discover the Cabal's hideout.  
  
Anamae- ...Why did they finally get smart and just when we don't need it?  
  
Syvia- It's the story. Damn you, narrator.  
  
It's my job.   


Anamae- So what're we supposed to do now?  
  
Syvia- Uh... how about we tell Faustus?  
  
Anamae- That we've saved Janos? What good would that do?  
  
Syvia- No, that Kain's back. Maybe Kain would be so distracted by Faustus that he'd follow him and not come to Sanctuary, and therefore the Sarafan won't find it, won't get Janos and then the Hylden won't kill the last Ancient.  
  
Anamae- I'm not going to risk Faustus' safety like that!   
  
Syvia- *lightbulb moment* Then ask him for one of the other Vamps' phone numbers!  
  
Anamae- Phone num-  
  
Syvia- *gives her a look* Oh c'mon. I saw you give him a mobile and your number.   
  
Anamae- That doesn't mean the other vamps have telephones! *Syvia gives her a look* Just because this is Nosgoth's industrial age doesn't mean _everyone _is up to date on technology!  
  
Syvia- Just call him! Ask him for Sebastian's phone number and I'll call and leave an anonymous tip.   


Anamae- Fine! Fine, fine, fine! But I'm not gonna risk Faustus no matter what. It's his butt that I don't want to have fried, you got that? *whips out a mobile phone and calls the number: 001-I-AM-THE-BEST*  
  
Faustus was back at home by now, having left the Eternal Prison with the Sarafan Lord. As for Magnus, he was safely put away (again) and Damion....well, even I the narrator don't know what has become of him. Chilling out in front of the glyph television, (a new invention made by the overworked and underpaid people of the Industrial Sector), in his black boxers, Faustus wonders idly if he should actually be looking for Anamae and her friend over a can of cool Pabst Blood Ribbon Beer. Suddenly the phone on the table beside him rings. Without looking at it the vampire bashed his hand down on one end and the receiver flipped up and into his waiting palm. Oooh, cool trick.  
  
Faustus- Took me two months to perfect it. Hello? Anamae! Where are you? WHAT?! Get out of there! Now you listen to me- *Faustus winces, yelling is heard over the phone* What? Why do you want Sebastian's number? Are you cheating on me? *long, long dialogue from the other end* Sorry, I just don't like him all that much. He's a real dumbass... What do you mean I'll like what will happen next? *listens* Really? And I can't be traced back to it no matter what, right? Good. Fine, I'll get his number. He gave it to me once because I might have to call for his help sooner or later. *snickers* One moment.  
  
Getting up, Faustus went over to his phone book, which was almost completely bare of telephone numbers, and turned to Sebastian's listing. Sitting back down, and flicking over one channel to a television documentary on the life and times of the Nine Guardians, Faustus gave Anamae the number.  
  
~~~  
  
Anamae- 666-KILL-FIRST-AND-ASK-QUESTIONS-LATER. Thanks Fausty. Later! *hangs up* Why do vampires have such long and personal phone numbers?  
  
Syvia- Because of their inflated egos. I would hate to see what Kain's is, or Marcus'. Gimme the phone.  
  
And with that, Syvia dialed up Sebastian.   


Anamae- Now don't take too long- you wouldn't believe how much it costs for a phone that works in Nosgoth.  
  
Syvia- Can you call all the way to the UK with it?  
  
Anamae- *suspiciously* Why do you want to know?  
  
Syvia- I was thinking of calling AmuseMe collect. *smirks*  
  
Anamae- NO!

Syvia- What about-

Anamae- No, you can't call Crystarr in Wales _either_. _I'm _going to call him later on! *glares*  
  
Syvia- Okay, okay! Yeesh, I was just kidding... *dialing* 666-KILL-FIRST-AND-ASK-QUESA- damn. 666-KILL-FIRST-AND-ASK-QUESTIONS-LATER.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In the plush but sparse living quarters of Sebastian's apartment, the phone rang. A low-pitched whirring could be heard. It stopped suddenly. A blue blur appeared beside the phone and became the armor-wearing vampire. In one hand he held a leg-guard and in the other, an electric buffer. He was dressed in a dark blue robe with his name sewn in silver thread on the left lapel. Nice.  
  
Sebastian- *smirks at the direction of the narrator* Thank you. *he picks up the phone* Hello?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Syvia- *in a hoarse voice* Is this Sebastian? ... I've got some information for you. ... I've seen a white-haired vampire walking around. ... Keeps complaining about having lost a sword.  
  
Anamae- *rolls her eyes*  
  
Syvia- *mouths* I'm doing the best I can. *Anamae rolls her eyes again and makes a silly face*  
  
Syvia- *hoarse voice, trying not to giggle* He said something about having a score to settle with the Sarafan Lord. ... I think his name was Kain.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sebastian stared off into space, eyes wide.  
  
Sebastian- If this one of your little pranks, Faustus...  
  
Syvia- *funny voice* What?  
  
Sebastian- Oh come on! Only three people have this number and the Sarafan Lord doesn't have a sense of humor! It's either you or...   
  
And then his face broke into sudden realization.  
  
Sebastian- *hisses* Marcus.  
  
And he hung up the phone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Syvia pushed the end button and handed the phone back to Anamae, a slightly stunned look on her face.  
  
Anamae- What happened? Well? Huh?  
  
Syvia- I think I just got Marcus in trouble.  
  
And then she burst out laughing. 

=================================

Anamae and Syvia are still holding their breath as they near the exit of the black void. As the light comes closer and closer the two girls realize they can't hold their breath anymore and gasp. The sudden rush of air make the two catapult outside of the void and into deep space. 

Syvia- Marcus in trouble? You did that, didn't you Anamae? First you hit him with a brick on top of the church, then you flush him down the toilet- 

Anamae- Hey, hey, hey! He has an invisible sign saying 'Hit me' written on his back that only I can see. *innocently* I have to do what the sign says. 

Syvia- *looks to the audience* If you people want to see what exactly happens to Marcus, please review, tell us what you think about the insane telephone numbers, and we'll get back to you as soon as possible.


	9. Nosgoth’s First Prize Fight

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors' notes:

*A computer screen comes online in a dark room. It bleeps twice, pauses before doing it again; immediately the door to the darkened room bursts open and in come Syvia and Anamae, dressed in black leather trench coats and wearing Ray Bands with neon striping*

Syvia- *looks at the screen* We have reviews.

Anamae- Over ten.

Syvia- You know what this means?

Anamae- That we stop doing this Matrix deal? I kinda like having the trench coat, to be honest. I don't know about the glasses but maybe I can get something else.

Syvia- *rolls eyes* No, it means that we can now proceed with Phase Two.

Anamae- There was a Phase One?

Syvia- *considers this for a moment* I don't think so, but I always wanted to say a line like that. Nope, it means that we can go over the reviews and after that, people can see what happens next to Sebastian, Kain and the phone system over in Meridian.

Anamae- So do we give the people then special cell phone numbers? Or should we all place them down as 1-800-I-Am-A-Damn-Dedicated-Fan? 514-I-Love-Nosgoth-And-All-The-People-In-It?

Syvia- *scrolls through the reviews* Hmmm... let's make it by special request. *both nod*

To **Concept- **Here we are and here we go. *looks at the narrator, who huffs and refuses to answer* ^_^ **VladimirsAngel**- *lmao* 667-(The-Neighbor-and-Frequent-Houseguest-of-the-Beast)-etc. *lol* Oh, Zofie will kill him for that. *considers* As soon as I tell her... which isn't going to be any time soon, I can tell you. 

Anamae- *lol* Yes, and "Time Streamers and the women who love them" ... if they can find one for Moebius. Not with _my _phone she can't! *Syvia pouts* Get your own!

Syvia- But I like to mooch off _you_! 

Anamae- *grumbles* No, it's supposed to be the other way around. I mooch off everyone else and get by doing little or no work! **Discordia**- Thank you! *grimaces* We can't promise anything about Janos, you know what happened last time. 

Syvia- *smiles* Bucky's a handful. Literally and figuratively, but we're trying.

Anamae- *evil smile* I'll be happy to! Several hundred times. *evil laughter* **Rocker Baby- ***innocent look* I still have to do what the sign says! And thanks.

Syvia- **Fallen Templar**- *lol* No kidding. Determined too! I tried to send one of the Elder God's tentacles in the mail once... while it was still attached to him, and they tried for a good four months... until I couldn't pay them anymore and they refused to work. Thanks for the review!

Anamae- **Shadowrayne**- ^_^ Good one! And yes.. it would be... long. *suggestive look* Yessssssss... I could work something out...

Bucky- Squeakity squee? (D'you think he's compensating for something?)

Anamae- *frantically shushes him*

Syvia- **Chalcedony Blue- **Good to see you again! ^^ *Anamae steals all Syvia's Faustus plushies* Don't worry! They won't get hurt... much....

Anamae- You're lying again.

Syvia- Learned from the best. ^_^

Anamae- *blushes at the compliment* Don't worry, Chalce, they'll heal. **Ratface**- Thank you for the review! Yes, Kain is up in this chapter, in fact. Read on. ^_^ *hands Ratface a Mex Chicken Plushie*

Syvia- **Sylvanon**- *to Zephon* When she wakes up, tell her we said thanks for the reviews and give her this. *hands Zeph a Mex Chicken Plushie*

Anamae- **Mourning Bloodytears- **Pretty good? _Pretty _good? *snarls* 

Syvia- Anamae, calm down, she's our #70 after all. *Anamae grumbles* Glad you're enjoying the fics. ^_^ As for the openings & endings, Anamae is quite talented, innt she? ^_^

Anamae- *bows graciously* Here's your plushie. *whips it at her head, it squeaks when it hits* And to Mourning, you receive a special bonus for being the 70th reviewer. Your Nosgoth cell (which I got for a 5 finger discount at the Glyph shop) has the call-in number 1-800-This-Phone-Was-Not-Stolen.

~..............................................Nosgoth's First Prize Fight..............................................~

Marcus was reading up a piece of poetry by Robert Frost when the doorbell of his Upper City mansion rang. Closing the book and grumbling to himself, the vampire got up and walked down the 34 steps from the third floor, then the 25 steps from the second floor down to the first floor, around the 150 foot gallery with the mirrors lining each side, then up to the front door. He opened it.  
  
Marcus- This had better be good. I am-  
  
Sebastian- You and your stupid prank calls.  
  
Marcus- What? What are you talking about?  
  
Sebastian- Maybe this will teach you. *punches Marcus in the nose*  
  
Marcus- *muffled* But I didn't call you.  
  
As Marcus keeled over, clutching his broken nose with both hands, Sebastian (who was still in his robe) closed the door and walked down the street. If Marcus hadn't called him, then maybe it had been Faustus instead. Racing home, Sebastian picked up the phone and dialed 001-I-AM-THE-BEST. Faustus, who was now doing push-ups - over 300 now -, grabbed the phone without looking.  
  
Faustus- Yes? *now doing one-handed push-ups*  
  
Sebastian- Faustus, did you call me? Be honest because I already punched Marcus and I'll do the same to you if you've done this.  
  
Faustus- No.  
  
Sebastian- Really?  
  
Faustus- Why the hell would I want to call you? That last prank didn't work and I'm all out of material at the moment. Bye. *hangs up*  
  
Sebastian- *looking at the phone* Oh damnit....  
  
~~~  
  
Anamae- Look, the Sarafan are still coming. Just call him again, for crying out loud!  
  
Syvia- Alright, alright!  
  
Anamae- Janos's life is on the line!  
  
Syvia- I know! Yeesh. *dials again*   


Sebastian- *angrily, on the phone* Who is it?!  
  
Syvia held up a little tape recorder and, smirking, pressed play.  
  
Kain on tape- I make a rather good prank call when I put my mind to it, don't I? *Syvia hastily presses stop*  
  
Sebastian- Kain! It was YOU on the phone?!  
  
Kain on tape- I'm talking to you now, aren't I?  
  
Anamae looked in amazement at Syvia, who grinned from ear to ear, trying not to laugh. After a few traded insults, a lot of dirty language, and many unveiled threats, Sebastian vowed to find Kain and kill him. He hung up his phone and Syvia hung up Anamae's.  
  
Anamae- ...How?!  
  
Kain on tape- Elementary, my dear Anamae. Syvia came to me with the idea in the future, I went back to the past and asked my younger self, and he was more than content with the idea. He'll kill Sebastian and everyone will be happy.  
  
Anamae- Uh... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


Sebastian quickly got into his armor, falling down the stairs and nearly tripping over his cat Mr. Whiskers as he struggled to pull on his cape. Before he left his house he checked his answering machine to see if there had been any other calls he should look into, then quickly grabbed an emery board to file his nails to their sharpest. When he met Kain, he planned to slice him up with the sharp nails that I do believe he had treated that day-  
  
Sebastian- Watch it, narrator. Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I can't have nice nails! And they aren't nails, they're _talons_!  
  
Either way Sebastian quickly raced out of the house and down the street, then managed to climb up the water pipe to the rooftops. Looking around for Kain and a large following of Sarafan guards, Sebastian finally found the gathering. So he did what he had wanted to do for a long time: He shouted to the Sarafan from the rooftop to take a hike and then nimbly (but not very gracefully) jumped down to the ground and confronted Kain.  
  
Sebastian- So we meet again, Kain.  
  
Kain- What the hell happened to your voice, Sebastian?  
  
Sebastian- There's nothing wrong with my voice. Don't make fun of me. You've always made fun of me! _Stop making fun of me_! *starts going berserk*  
  
Kain- *cracking his knuckles* He must really be a woman. He PMS's like one.  
  
~~~  
  
Over in the Sanctuary Syvia, Anamae, Bucky, Janos, Vorador and the many wives could hear cries and screams of agony, the blaring of a Meridian police siren, a cat howl, smashing of expensive pottery, glass and other things that could be smashed.  
  
Anamae- I believe Sebastian found Kain. *measured silence* Who wants to see the fight? 

There was a silent moment as the assembled vampires, humans , animal and ancient looked at each other. Then they all vanished, leaving only the puffs of smoke from their sneakers. Within moments, the group was seated on the roof of a low building. Syvia was eating popcorn. Bucky, seated on the arm of her folding chair, also had a little bag of it.  
  
Anamae- Hey, where'd you get that?  
  
Syvia- The popcorn machine that the Sarafan tried to use to kill me in the first fic. *points over her shoulder at the somewhat battered piece of machinery*  
  
Anamae- Woo-hoo! *runs over to get popcorn*  
  
The vampires were seated in a various array of chairs, many had bottles of Blood Lite in their hands, and were shouting encouragement to Kain. Anamae noticed voices shouting the same to Sebastian and looked around.  
On the neighboring rooftop there were a small group of Glyph Knights, as well as Faustus and Marcus.  
  
Anamae- Hey Fausty, over here! *she waves excitedly*  
  
That was a bad idea.  
  
Anamae- Why? *smiles as Faustus waves back*  
  
Because the Glyph Knights just noticed all the vampires and now they'll start their _own_ fight.  
  
Syvia- *looking over at them* Uh-oh.  
  
Anamae- No they won't! Uh... *raises her voice out over the crowd* I'll bet money that Kain takes Sebastian out in the next fifteen minutes!   
  
Sebastian- WHAT?  
  
Marcus- *smirking* I'll take that bet.  
  
Sebastian- *louder* WHAT?!?   


Syvia- What the hell are you doing?  
  
Anamae- Everyone loves gambling. And now they won't fight us since they all want to see who'll win and who exactly will get how much money! I bet $40 on Kain!  
  
Vorador- $300 and one of my wives!  
  
Wife- Hey! You sick, messed-up pervert!  
  
Marcus- *with his broken nose* $550 on Sebastian! You better win, supposed _friend_!

Faustus- I thought you just bet that _Kain _would win.

Marcus- Changed my mind.   
  
Glyph knights- All of our paychecks on Lord Sebastian! Yeah!!  
  
Bucky- Squeeeeeee!!!!! (200 on Sebastian)  
  
Syvia- Traitor!  
  
Bucky- Squeaki. (Shove it)  
  
My my, he's really got an attitude problem developing. Anyways, back to the fight. So Kain and Sebastian now had well over 10,000 gold pieces riding on this fight, and if neither won in the next 15 minutes then the orphans down the road would have it all and one new vampire mother to call their own.  
  
Orphans- *pathetic voices* Yay.   
  
Kain circled Sebastian, who had his claws raised in front of him. Now Kain, thinking in the superior way that all nobles tend to think - even if they were long dead - that Sebastian would attack from the front. So Kain was, of course, ready for a frontal assault and came as some surprise that he was instead kicked upside the head off to his right. He went down quickly, Sebastian standing over him.  
  
Sebastian- Ha, how do you like that? Not so pretty now, eh?  
  
Anamae- *from rooftop* Hey if anything Faustus is the best good-looking guy here. *pauses* Besides Janos. *pauses again* And maybe Marcus.  
  
Kain- What about me?  
  
Vorador- *drinking a Blood Lite* Who cares? On with the fight!  
  
Everyone, Sarafan, vampires, humans and animal began throwing down pieces of popcorn, empty bottles and other things from the rooftops; I threw down the satellite dish that the Cabal had just bought.  
  
Wife no.12- Hey, that was brand new!  
  
Bite me! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kain- Alright, that's it! I have had _it_! I'm bringing out the chair! *reaches for a metal chair nearby*  
  
Anamae- Sebastian, tag-team him or something!   


Syvia- Oh _hell_ no! Everyone bet on _Sebastian or Kain_ to win. If there's another participant, the bets don't count.  
  
Crowd- Damn...  
  
Kain smacked the chair down on Sebastian's head. The blue-caped vampire retaliated with the satellite dish, raising cries of anguish from Vorador's many wives.  
  
Wife no. 45- Goodbye Spice channel. *collective sigh*  
  
The fight continued. Moebius, who had suddenly appeared, was doing the countdown. Then the fight got to the 10 second mark. Let's all count down together, shall we?  
  
10! Kain took a punch to the kidney.  
  
9! Sebastian got a claw in the eye.  
  
8! Sebastian threw his scalp piece onto Kain's face and began punching him in the head.  
  
7! Kain smashed a broken bottle into Sebastian's face  
  
6! Sebastian nailed Kain in the kidney... with a 7 inch-long nail.

5! Kain retaliated with an industrial-strength ice pick

4! The adrenaline wore off and they both screamed loudly.   
  
3! Sebastian threw a weak punch onto Kain's nose  
  
2! Kain flicked Sebastian on the ear  
  
1! They punched each other simultaneously in the stomachs and fell flat on their backs.  
  
Everyone sat looking at them, stunned.  
  
0! *Loud Buzzer* Everyone rubbed their ringing ears.  
  
Anamae- Who won? *Several vampires wince because their ears still hurt*  
  
Well, I'd have to say... neither of them.  
  
Janos- Then that means the bets are null and void, doesn't it?  
  
Syvia- I _guess_ so.  
  
Moebius- Actually- no. There was one bet for _both_ vampires to lose.  
  
Anamae- No kidding. Who's was it?  
  
Moebius- *smirking* Mine.  
  
Everyone at once- WHAT?   


Marcus- That doesn't count!  
  
Moebius- Oh, care to explain why?  
  
Marcus- You obviously went through time, saw who would win, then came back and became the referee only because you knew you would win. Therefore as logic dictates _your_ vote is also void!  
  
And the crowd booed Moebius. Hell, he became Meridian's newest living bull's-eye. Faustus hit him with a piece of chimney, Marcus charmed one of the Glyph guards to fly right at Moebius, the others dog-piled on him, Syvia threw her chair.........*time passes*.......Vorador kicked him in the ribs, the wives beat the old man with their spiked purses and 16 inch heels. Anamae for the tenth time smashed the frying pan over his head and Bucky went to the washroom in the Time Streamer's hood. Oh Bucky, that took some _nerve_!  
  
Bucky- Squeak.  
  
Kain- *getting to his feet* Hey Sebastian?  
  
Sebastian- *sitting on the curb with ice to his eye* What?  
  
Kain- *sitting beside him* I wanna say, I am sorry...  
  
Sebastian- *astonished* What?  
  
Kain- I'm sorry- *smirks* that you fight like a girl.  
  
Sebastian- *scoffs* I'm still better off than you. You look like one with those leather pants you wear.  
  
Kain- Fine. For what it's worth I think that you beating in my face up was justice for when I threw the bottle in _yours_. Maybe you'll look half-way decent and now. Hell, you might even rate 'good-looking'.  
  
Sebastian- Are you saying I was never attractive?  
  
Kain- Well, just count the hordes of fangirls I have.  
  
Kain waved a hand around in the empty air as if expecting the girls to appear. They didn't.  
  
Sebastian- I will point out that every fangirl that came your way, you ate. 34 in the last town we both fought in-  
  
Kain- Where you got drunk!  
  
Sebastian- -and you were so gorged on blood you decided running around in nothing was a good idea. *prods at his eye* I hope this scar won't last too long.  
  
Kain- *suddenly sobbing* You were the best friend I had, Sebastian. You, me, Faustus and Marcus were all so close!! Where the hell did it go wrong?  
  
Hey everyone! *everyone looks up at the all-important narrator* Kain's lost it and getting all mopey! Come and see this once-in-a-lifetime event! As everyone charged over to look at the supposed ruthless vampire who was now crying, Janos kicked Moebius in the face and whistling an innocent tune, stood over Syvia and Anamae to watch this new drama unfold. 

==================================

*The computer screen flickers off, then comes on again and begins to beep.*

Anamae- No, don't start. *screen beeps again* Why you little jerk! *it beeps twice more then shuts off* Motherf#$@%&!

Syvia- What was that about?

Anamae- That little *bleep* said we were cheap for asking for ten reviews and all that stuff before we update!

*Suddenly Syvia is holding in her hands a large and very sharp axe, raised high above the computer terminal. She quickly looks at the viewers.*

Syvia- Please, younger viewers and those who cannot stand to see violence done to Windows 2000 XP, turn away.

*The computer beeps once again, mournfully, then falls silent as the two girls loom over it with evil grins. The camera pans off of them, to Bucky (who is also in a trench coat), as the crunching of metal and plastic is heard and loose circuits fly across the room.*

Bucky- Scree chippity chuippa! (What? We needed a computer refrence in here sooner or later.) *evil grin* Chirpity squeeeeeee! (Hylden use Windows 98!) 


	10. Bucky’s Moment in the Limelight

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors' Notes: 

*Anamae and Syvia are sitting on the docks of Meridian, looking out across the waters. Raziel comes up to them, looks at what they're looking at, then at them, and then back across the waves.*

Raziel - So, what are you doing?

Syvia - *turns to look at Raz slowly* Oh, it's you. *looks back to the water* Waiting for Cadeau.

Anamae - *in a monotone voice* Yes, Cadeau. *they both go back to watching*

Raziel - Has he come yet?

Anamae - No.

Syvia - Cadeau will come when Cadeau will come. It is neither a man nor a woman. Something beyond that, something so profound that when Cadeau arrives, we will be the first to greet Cadeau. And we won't be waiting in line.

*The two suddenly jump up, link arms, and start doing a can-can while smashing plates on the dock*

Anamae & Syvia - *singing* Oh yes we learned a lot from that scene! *smash* Yes, we learned a lot indeed! *smash* Yes so much it was quite obscene!

*Raziel at this point had turned tail and run, not wanting to know what the girls have been doing, what they are thinking, or what is about to happen*

Syvia- *can-caning around* And now it is time for the letters!

****

Discordia- *grins* Heh, Kain is so much fun to humiliate. ^_^

Anamae- *covered in little bits of plastic & circuitry, ominously* The XP is no more. Here's the update. ^_^

Syvia- **VladimirsAngel- ***lol, hugs* There you go, Kain, a fangirl to make you all the pain go away... or make more *evil grin* One never knows which. Thanks for the review! 

Anamae- *winces at the sound of Vorador's wife's voice coming out of the mobile* Wow... her voice is almost higher than yours! If she gets to you, she'll probably show everyone why you still hold the record for shrillest scream in Nosgoth. ^_^ **Concept of a Demon**- *two thumbs up* All missions accomplished.

Syvia- *grimaces* ... _I _use Windows 98. *Anamae points and laughs.* **Ratface**- Thank you very much!

Anamae- **Sylvanon**- You're welcome. :-D **Mourning Bloodytears- **You're welcome and use it in good health! *whispers* If the Sarafan ask you where you got it, just remember- you don't know me!

Syvia- *chuckling* **Fallen Templar**- Heh, well yes, Kain would've been unlikely to beat Sebastian... if we were playing by the rules. *innocent face* *whistles at the $500* Thank you! ^_^

Anamae- Here, give me that. *holds her hand out for the money* 

Syvia- What? No! You've got your own! 

Anamae- You're going to owe it to me in a few chapters anyway.

Syvia- *shushes her* Spoilers! Stop that! *hands over the money*

Anamae- ^_^ **Chalcedony Blue**- *lol* That is a good idea... and one that could be a lot of fun for... *mindful of the spoilers* that thing, later.

Syvia- *huggles three Janos plushies and laughs at Anamae, who is buried under a mound of them. Thanks, hon!

Anamae- I'm buried in Fausties! *whistles* **Cat of Fluff**- *offers a Sebastian plushie* Here's the requested update! *Syvia begins to dig Anamae out of the stuffed animals*

~..........................................Bucky's Moment in the Limelight........................................~

Syvia- *entranced* Anamae... Anamae, lemme borrow your phone again.  
  
Anamae wordlessly handed over the phone. Syvia quickly dialed 777-FALLEN-ANGEL-OF-DEATH.  
  
Syvia- *to the person on the other end* Kain's having a nervous breakdown! Get here quick!  
  
Soul Reaver Raziel appeared out of nowhere and stood beside the growing crowd.  
  
SR Raz- ...There are no words to describe it...  
  
Everyone nodded, agreeing.   
  
Syvia- ...I feel like we should be selling tickets... but I can't tear my eyes away long enough to do anything about it.  
  
Anamae- *sly look* What a good idea.   


So while Kain and Sebastian are crying, remembering the good old days when they had still been friends and wondering where it had all gone wrong, Syvia and Anamae quickly set up a booth out front and began charging everyone $5 to take a look at the great vampire master of Nosgoth crying like a little girl.  
  
Bucky escorted the paying customers into the booth, where they saw with shock Kain indeed bawling like a child. Janos approached the two girls who were counting over the money.  
  
Janos- Isn't that wrong, taking advantage of Kain's weakness like that?  
  
Anamae was too engrossed with counting the money, the shiny coins and the paper bills, so Syvia had to answer the question.  
  
Syvia- We need the money.  
  
Janos- Why? You can always borrow off of Vorador and he'll allow it.  
  
Vorador- That's my _one_ weakness; I let every pretty lady walk right over me.  
  
Anamae- 6,001, 6,002, 6,098....I lost count again! *gleefully stacks the money around her* I'm a happy miser.  
  
Syvia tried to explain to Janos that sometime in everyone's life they had to be taken advantage of, no matter what. He had been Nosgoth's whipping boy for far too long, so it was time for someone else - namely Kain - to fill in that position for a while. The girls were so engrossed in their little money making scheme that they once again forgot their original intent: to protect Janos. So it was no surprise to me-  
  
Anamae- What the hell do you mean by that?!  
  
- when a group of Hylden (yes, the Hylden themselves) flooded the streets with water, making all the vampires burn as they ran for high ground and while Janos was up and flying away from said dangerous liquid, he was caught by the Sarafan Lord in a large net.  
  
Janos- Oh no. Not again.  
  
Anamae and Syvia were swept along by the powerful current that had been created by the dam, three miles up from Meridian, being broken. Anamae was holding onto the money with all of her might but because I am mean, I caused her to drop all of it in the water.  
  
Anamae- Damn you!

Syvia- *holding onto the edge of a roof* Janos! We'll save you yet!   
  
Janos- *rolls eyes* Don't bother. I'll only get killed again!  
  
Sarafan Lord- Well, we're going to kill you and make sure the job is done for good!  
  
Janos- ...*looks at Syvia and Anamae* HELP! DEAR GOD, HELP ME!  
  
And as Janos was taken away across the ocean to the Hylden City *nudgenudge winkwink* Bucky knew they would need a new boat to go and get him.  
  
Marcus- *on the roof* I'm bald!!!! The water burnt off all my hair!  
  
Sebastian- You were always bald, you _idiot_!   


Anamae- *authoritatively* Okay! We need a boat and we need one now! To the wharves!  
  
So several people who wanted to save Janos (and several people who didn't know what the heck was going on, but on hearing orders, were only too happy to follow them) trooped off to the wharves. Kain, still wiping tears from his eyes, got up and stumbled after the group.   
Before long, the group (which consisted of all current Cabal members, Kain, Raziel, a group of clueless humans, Our three protagonists, and oddly enough, Moebius) got to the wharves.  
  
Anamae- *peeks around a corner* Okay. There's a ship that just docked there and they're loading it. Let's sneak into some of the crates they're loading and get on the ship that way.  
  
Bucky- Squen Squeakic.  
  
Syvia- Bucky! You *%&$ use language like that again and I'll %&$*^#% take you over my knee and spank you, you little #&$%.  
  
Random Wife- Gee... I wonder where he gets it?  
  
Syvia glared. Bucky apologized sullenly and reiterated his distaste for the stealthy approach. I was right, he IS developing an attitude problem.  
  
Syvia- Hey! That's MY kid you're talking about, #^$%.  
  
Okay! Okay!   
  
Syvia- Bucky, what do YOU think we should do?  
  
Vorador- You take orders from a squirrel?   
  
Anamae- *shrugs* It's worked in the past.  
  
Bucky- Squeak, squeaker squeak. Squeakity squeakin, squeakity, squeak. Squea squeaky squeak.  
  
Random Human at the back of the crowd- What did he just say?  
  
Anamae- 'Kill the crew, take the ship.'  
  
Random Human- It took him THAT long to say six words?  
  
Anamae- No, I edited out the more gory parts.  
  
Syvia- So, any objections?  
  
The vampires grinned and shook their heads. The humans looked intimidated and agreed just to be agreeable. Bucky squeaked in approval, pulled out a six-foot sword, screamed a blood-curdling war cry and scampered towards the ship. The vampires followed with enthusiastic cries of their own. Half the humans followed, getting into the spirit of things- the other half slunk off while no one was looking.  
  
Syvia- *sniffles* My little baby's all grown up and killing people. I'm so proud!   
  
Whereupon she dissolved into tears on Anamae's shoulder, who patted her back comfortingly. Raziel stood watching Bucky wield the sword with a thoughtful look on his half-face.   
  
Raziel- ...There is something profoundly wrong about this... I just can't put my talon on it.  
  
Moebius shrugged, unconcerned.   


Bucky, using the kung-fu moves that he had seen in an endless number of martial arts videos, quickly dissected the crew and then rolled their heads off the edge of the boat. Moebius watched the squirrel and grimaced.  
  
Bucky- Squeeeeeeeeee....  
  
Moebius- *to Vorador* What did he say?  
  
Vorador- Something along the lines of 'You're next'.  
  
Moebius- Oh dear.  
  
Kain- Now I will be captain of this ship!  
  
Wife no.34- Why you?  
  
Kain- Because I have the hat! *points to the captain hat*  
  
Bucky chattered angrily, saying that he should be the captain because he led the boarding party. Some of the vampires agreed with the little animal and some others sided with Kain. The human crew was casting off as the fighting was still going on. Anamae decided that as the ship was not being steered out of the harbor, she would take over. Pulling out the _Idiot's Guide to Sailing a Boat to the Hylden City_, (even though the boat they'd stolen wasn't _really _a sailboat) she took her eyes off the river and bashed the ship into one of the lighthouses, which incidentally fell on the second half of the orphanage, crushing the sick children inside.   
  
Syvia- *winces, then shrugs* Does that count for any points?  
  
Kain- 10,000. And I am still captain. Move out of the way. *shoves Anamae away from the wheel* Now _this _is how you steer!  
  
Moebius- Kain?  
  
Kain- What, old man? If you say something I don't like I will severely injure you.  
  
Moebius- *rolls his eyes* We're heading back the way we came.  
  
Kain looked at the wharves, which were indeed coming back into view. The vampires looked at Kain, then at Bucky who had folded his little paws over his chest and was nodding to himself. He should have been the captain.  
  
Kain- *hitting reverse* I meant to do that.  
  
Syvia- Sure you did. And now onto save Janos! *climbs up to the crow's nest* I'm queen of the world!  
  
Anamae- *shouting from below* That is _so_ old, Syvia. Get something new, for crying out loud!  
  
Syvia- Oh, go and %^#$$ yourself, Anamae! I'll do what I @##$!$ please to do and you can't do anything @%&%$& about it!  
  
Syvia, I'm surprised! Such foul language!  
  
Syvia- Hey, it'll be my secret weapon against the Hylden! That, bad sentencing structure and childish grammar. It'll kill them.  
  
Vorador- Hey, I found a piano! *plays a honky-tonky '20's swing music*  
  
Moebius- What type of rescue party is this?  
  
Anamae- The one from hell.  
  
Raziel- Been there, done that. The price for the barge ride was expensive enough as it was.  
  
Anamae- Must you dump on everything that we do?  
  
Raziel- ...yes.

===========================================

Anamae- *smashes another plate among assorted plushies* So who the hell was Cadeau?

Syvia- *shrugs* You got me. *takes the whole crate of plates and tosses them out into the water*

Anamae- Well, it sure scared Raziel.

Syvia- Indeed it did. Now where is Bucky? *looks around for him* *sees the squirrel in a paper boat on the docks, with a miniature captain's hat on his head*

Anamae & Syvia- *singing in swing style* Oh, we learned a lot from that scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *they both takes deep breathes* Sceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! *both collapse on the ground*

Bucky- Chirpity! (You people don't want to know! Tell the whole world! This is the opening and closing so far that by far doesn't make any sense! Why are you laughing at this? There isn't anything funny in this!!)


	11. Crashing the Ship of Fools

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

From one Author to the other: 

Syvia- A bit? You changed the title a _bit_?

Anamae- Yes... as in completely.

Syvia- *snickers* Yes, yes you did.

Anamae- So you _do _mind?

Syvia- No, this one is better, but it's not really grammatically correct.

Anamae- ...When has _that _ever stopped us?

Syvia- *sighs* I'm gonna tweak _one _word and then I'll be fine with it.

Anamae- *gestures for her to get on with it*

Authors' Notes: 

Anamae- Hey, I did it! I finally did it! *does a little victory dance* Yeah, its finally over and done with!

Syvia- *pokes her head into the room* Did what? Some new form of torture on Moebius? Figured out the plot for LoK: Defiance? Managed to think up a reasonable idea about the cut out footage and all that in SR1 and 2 that won't be shot down by others?

Anamae- Nope, I finally got around to playing Soul Reaver 2 and getting the Fire Reaver! *grins*

Syvia- *deadpan* Oh. *thinks* You never played it before?

Anamae- Well, remember in the first Fluff, how I told you I never played SR2? And how I didn't know how to get through half the stuff that we came up against and that's where I made up all the dumb stuff that got us into even further trouble? I finally managed to get a copy of the game and while we're in between chapters, I sit down and play it in the character lounge. And I finally got the Fire Reaver. The Sarafan Lord actually had the walkthrough.

Syvia- ...Anamae, let's just get to the reviews.

Anamae- But I want to see what happens after the Fire Reaver!

Syvia- Reviews first, Fire Reaver later! **VladimirsAngel**- *GLOMP* *lol* Bucky- Bucky, bubby, we need him for the chapter.

Anamae- Oh let him alone, Raz can bounce back from anything. As for you, Angel- *loudly shushes her*.

Syvia- *whispering* If people learn you got free tickets, everyone will want them! But on the subject of Janos- well... the jury's still out on whether he's safer with us or the Hylden. Hopefully they'll get back by the end of the chapter.

Anamae- _Hopefully_. Thanks for the review! **Concept**- *chuckles* Hey, it's Windows- it's evil in any form. Thanks. :-)

Syvia- **Sylvanon**- Do we let... *looks uncomfortable* well, actually...

Anamae- *interrupting Syv* Not really, but keep watching- you never really know. Bucky, make a note- take names for cameos and honorable mentions.... Bucky? *looks at the squirrel who's still beating on Raz. Sighs* Thanks for the review, anyway.

Syvia- **Fallen Templar**- Well, no we didn't get the blaster- unfortunately in our little world, inanimate things tend to get minds of their own. The compy was just too testy for its own good. *lol* Well, I don't know what will cost 500 bucks... there might be a few things that top that. Thanks!

Anamae- **Mourning**- *smirks* You'll just have to wait and see- and believe me, it can _always _get worse! **Chalcedony- **Thank you! *watches the video.... sees all the money get swept away again* Oh... *sniff* I'd forgotten about that part... *sniffle... blows her nose on a handkerchief* , Syv... keep going?

Syvia- *patting Anamae on the back* It'll be okay. **Discordia- **Thank you and don't fear- I mean... we weren't the _first _people to kill Janos. :-p We may have been the first to make a South Park type parody of it... but we definitely weren't the first. *points to Discordia's Muse* _That _is one smart muse.

Anamae- *clearing her throat bravely* **Cat of Fluff**- Ahh. Glad to hear it. I love making people laugh with my natural behavior. Enjoy the new chapter! 

~...............................................Crashing The Ship of Fools.............................................~ 

Before they arrived at the Hylden city, Moebius, Vorador, Kain, Raziel and Bucky had set up a poker table on the deck. With the help of the less and less frequently used plot holes, they'd gotten two stacks of plastic money chips. Moebius fixed his little green sun visor, delicately lifted a potato chip to his lips, and chomped it loudly into fragments, before dealing the cards. Let's look at the current standings, shall we?   
Now, as it is explained to me; blue chips are worth one soul, white chips are worth five souls, and red chips are worth ten souls.  
  
Syvia- *watching over Bucky's shoulder* Souls?  
  
Hey, it's Nosgoth.  
  
Syvia- Hmph. *she smirks* Point taken.  
  
Again, let's look at the standings. Currently, a large pile of red chips sat before Moebius, who was smirking as he dealt the cards. He'd been winning for a while now.   
Vorador had a moderate pile of chips of various colors, as he tended to make conservative bets, and fold if things were getting too risky.   
Kain had a piddly little pile of white and blue chips, as he tended to bet large when his odds were good, but only won once out of every dozen hands.   
Raziel was on his last chip, as he tended to stay in each hand till the end, but NEVER won a hand.   
Bucky had a moderate pile of chips, like Vorador, because he had a habit of betting moderately and got lucky enough to win once in a while.  
Now- let's ask why Moebius is winning.  
  
The group around the poker table looked up, surprised. I ask again- 'why is Moebius winning'?  
Sudden comprehension dawned in their eyes and Moebius looked ill. Syvia burst out laughing and slid to the floor, her legs unable to hold her. Bucky snickered into his cards, watching the vampires, who were eyeing Moebius murderously.  
The Time Streamer shouted in fear as Kain and Raziel dove over the table and began beating him into a bloody pulp. Vorador thought about joining them, but decided it would ruin his clothing, and sat comfortably at the table, eating potato chips.  
  
Random Vampire- Well?  
  
Well what?  
  
Random Vampire- Why was Moebius winning?  
  
As the answer to this question was so obvious, I couldn't help myself, and burst out laughing myself. Bwahahahahahahahah-  
  
Random Vampire- *insulted look* Well? Isn't someone going to answer my question?  
  
Anamae- *steering, grins at the vampire* Moebius stacks the deck.  
  
Random Vampire- *still clueless* Oh... okay... *walks off*   


Anamae- *clears her throat at them* We need him alive, boys.  
  
Raziel and Kain stopped pounding the hell out of Moebius for a moment and looked at the girl.  
  
Kain- Why?  
  
Anamae- Rule number 264 of war and invading the enemy's territory: Always take a sacrificial lamb. *smirks* If things go bad, then we simply throw Moebius in front of them and run like hell.  
  
Raziel- Point taken. *looks at Moebius and says in an overly-friendly voice* Moebius, good friend, let me help you up! Now you sit down here and do absolutely nothing until we need you, which might be very soon give or take a couple of minutes.  
  
Moebius didn't know what to do, so he did something that surprised everyone on this voyage, including me. He minded his own business for once. Vorador came up beside Anamae and watched her steer the ship.  
  
Vorador- Ever taken a course?  
  
Anamae- Nope.  
  
Vorador- Learned it from the book?  
  
Anamae- Yup. Ohh, look! The Hylden City! *points*  
  
Everyone looked at the city as it rose above the waves, mist circling around the crumbling walls. It was mystical and majestic, frightening and awe-inspiring... and in need of desperate repair and a good coat of paint.  
  
Random Hylden at the watchtower- Well if we had the money we'd give it one, but we're on a budget here. *goes back to guard duty*  
  
So as everyone crowded around the prow to get a closer view of the city that no one had ever seen since the days of the Hylden/Ancient war, which looking back in Nosgoth texts details some of the most bloody-  
  
Everyone- Get on with the story!  
  
-right, sorry. Syvia noticed something. The harbor was coming into view, yet they hadn't begun to slow down... they were actually picking up speed.  
  
Syvia- Anamae, you can hit the breaks now.  
  
Anamae grinned at everyone and raised her hands from the wheel.  
  
Anamae- I didn't learn how to stop the ship so basically it's everyone for themselves. Abandon ship if you value your lives!  
  
Kain- You coward!  
  
Anamae- *jumping off* I might be a coward, but at least I have the guts to admit it!   


Syvia- Oh god!   
  
She then jumped off the boat and into the water, landing with a splash near Anamae. Bucky jumped off not too long after, landing on her head. The rest of the vampires ran around the ship in a panic, not able to jump off because of the ocean, and not wanting to stay on because of the imminent crash. Ooooh baby. *snickers* This is going to hurt.  
The boat slammed into the dock with a thunderous crunch and the shriek of twisting metal. The vampires were hurled into the air and splatted-  
  
Syvia- *swimming to the dock* 'Splatted'? That's not a word.  
  
I made it up.  
  
Anamae- *hauling herself onto the stone platform, sarcastically* I wish _I_ could make up a word.  
  
Ahem, splatted onto the front of the Hylden city pavement. Kain slowly picked himself up, his face re-forming into its formerly unmarred state. Raziel glided calmly to the ground, Moebius tucked under his arm, for as Anamae had said, they'd need to feed him to the wolves later. The humans... well aside from Syvia and Anamae, the humans had been used as food and were all dead. *shrugs* That's the way it goes.  
  
Raziel- *genially* Rough landing?  
  
Kain- Oh shut up!  
  
Raziel snickered softly and set the quivering Moebius on the ground. The other vampires peeled themselves off walkways and walls and waited for their bones to re-knit. Anamae helped Syvia and Bucky out of the water and they moved towards the main entrance.  
  
Hylden on the watchtower- RELEASE THE DEMONS!  
  
Syvia- Oh that sounds bad.  
  
Anamae- Whoever brought weapons- get them out right now!  
  
The gates creaked open slowly, releasing the roaring of the beasts before they could be seen.   


And the demons charged!  
  
And everyone ran...the other way!  
  
Without Moebius!  
  
Moebius- Hey, what about me?  
  
Raziel and Anamae- You're food! Act like it! *look at each other* Jinx! Double jinx!  
  
Kain- Shut up and run!  
  
So everyone ran around the demons who were in the process of using Moebius, head as a baseball, his staff as a bat, and fulfilling their dreams of making the first demon baseball team in all of Nosgoth. The Hylden guards who had opened the gates looked at each other.  
  
Hylden no.1- They're coming.  
  
Hylden no.2- So close the gates!  
  
Hylden no.1- Can't.  
  
Hylden no.2- Why not?  
  
Because I the narrator forbid it! Mwahahahahaha! And as the group stampeded over the two Hylden who could not close the door because I was blocking the way, Syvia and Anamae stayed behind to stomp on the Hylden a couple more times to make sure they were really, really dead.  
  
Anamae- Question?  
  
Syvia- What?   
  
Anamae- How can you tell which is a girl and which is a guy? They don't have any distinguishing features, you know? They're voices even sound the same!  
  
Syvia- I know.  
  
Raziel- We can discuss this later! Everyone get going! *picks them up and runs with them over his shoulders*  
  
Anamae- Yeah, go Raz! Carry us because our legs are tired!  
  
Syvia- And we're weak. Hell *looks at Anamae* he's strong.  
  
Then Raziel realized that he didn't want to be the local carrying service. Stopping quickly he dumped both girls to the ground as the vampires stopped in front of a broken bridge. On the other side, across the water, was the supposed main building. It even said that in bright green letters: _Main Building_.  
  
Vorador- We cannot swim across...  
  
Kain- And cannot teleport.  
  
Raziel- Which means...*all the vampires eyes fasten on the girls*...you'll have to swim over and make the bridge work.  
  
And without another word, the girls were given the old heave-ho into the water. 

==========================================

Syvia- So does this mean now that you've completed SR2, or are about to, that you'll be going onto playing BO2? I mean we're already in Meridian and all but we've messed up so much in the city anyways that BO2 might make just as little sense to you as the chronological order we've been hopping through, and to the viewers and what I've been saying the whole time.

Anamae- ...Well, I was actually hoping that Crystarr would write up his version of BO2a and I would read it, then from that I would get the gist of the whole game. I did the same thing with SR2a.

Syvia- Do you actually play through any game to the finish?

Anamae- Yes.

Syvia- And that game was?

Anamae- Soul Reaver Monopoly!!! I owned Stahlberg and Willendorf, plus the Ancient City, but Bucky had the Pillars so I couldn't get the property and get the monopoly! My token piece was Hash. *grins*

Syvia- *raises one eyebrow* And why haven't I seen this game? And what other token pieces were there?


	12. Oops We Did it Again

Copyright © 2002 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors' Notes: 

Now dear readers, we are nearing the end of this tale. And what is an end without something dramatic happening to the characters, both good and evil? That's right, it makes for a boring story. And we (being the narrator and Anamae, Syvia and Bucky) would not wish to disapoint all of you all by giving a horrible ending. That would just be wrong. So instead of a horribly ending, we're going for a completely terrible ending, the type that will make you all very, very angry and wonder why did you bother to put up with us all the way to this point!

Syvia- Hey, it's not the _ending _ending!

Anamae- Yeah, just the precursor to the ending! And it's not all that horrible.

Syvia- For us anyway... but before we go into depth on how horrible the ending is for someone else, we'll get to the reviews. **Rose Dincht- **No other word? Awww, it's not hilarious or amusing or side-splitting or,

Anamae- Stop showing off your extensive vocabulary. **Angel- ***gets a wet GLOMP! from Syvia* *lol* Well, not exactly, but one of the three will be finding themselves in the water before long. Green stuff? *looks around* Ew...

Syvia- I second that. **Mourning**- *lol* She liked that quote so much that she used it for her sig line for a while. *pats Anamae on the shoulder* She wrote it herself, you know.

Anamae- *bows* No problem, we'll save you the King Willy piece. **Discordia**- *smiles* Indeed- there must always be Moebius torture. Thanks for reviewing. :-)

Syvia- **Cat of Fluff**- It was so nice of him to volunteer... without saying he'd do it, offering to play or seeming enthusiastic at all... :-D Thanks for the review!

Anamae- Who knew that Moebius could play baseball so well? *shrugs* **Fallen Templar**- Thank you very much!

Syvia- **Crown of Rust**- Thanks for the review, hon. ^_^ Here's the next chapter.

Anamae- **Blood of Angels**- Thanks, and we'll keep that in mind....

Syvia- **Ratface**- Thank you! I have two reasons to take credit for those- one; because I wrote them. Two; because I don't want Anamae to do it before me, and before we get to it- the one in this chapter is also-

Anamae- Mine!

Syvia- Is not! 

Anamae- I called it. *raspberry*

Syvia- *suddenly levels a bazooka at Anamae's face*

Anamae- ...Okay, that was a lie.

Syvia- *lowers it* Thank you.

Anamae- *smashes a pie in Syvia's face* 

Syvia- ...What was that for?

Anamae- So I could get the last laugh. *licks meringue off her fingers*

~.................................................Oops, We Did It Again.................................................~

Bucky laughed uproariously on the dry side of the broken bridge until Kain gathered him up in one hand-  
  
Kain- And take your squirrel with you!  
  
-and tossed him into the water.  
  
Syvia- *Turns on her back and kicks towards the other side of the bridge* Lucky thing we can both swim, huh?  
  
Anamae- I SO do not like the current turn of events.  
  
Bucky- *paddling beside them* Squeak, squeakity, squeakin.  
  
Anamae- Hey, that's right! *calls back to the vampire group* Raziel is perfectly capable of swimming as well!  
  
The vampires still on the high and dry grinned evilly at the Soul Reaver.  
  
Raz- *shaking his head in the negative* No! _Oh_-no!   
  
But with much grinning and chortling, they pushed him into the water. Syvia and Anamae had pulled on flippers by this time and were making good progress across the pond. Bucky hitched a ride on Raz's head and they all climbed onto the sand and up the stone structure.  
  
Syvia- Okay- I don't care what anyone says. I'm tired, I'm wet, Janos is in trouble, and I'm gonna use a plot hole.  
  
Anamae grinned at her friend's petulant tone as she wrung out her hair. Syvia opened said hole, pulled out an odd contraption and speared the doorframe with a foot-long hook. After making certain it was secure, she took aim and shot another hook into the wall above the vampire's heads. The hook flew, trailing a thick metal cord behind it, and thunked-  
  
Anamae- *to the Narrator* Another made-up word?  
  
Oh shut up- high into the wall on the other side. Syvia attached the cord to the hook behind them and had Raziel pull it taut.  
  
Syvia- *shouts* Okay guys! There's your bridge!  
  
Vampire- What do we use to slide across the wire?   
  
Anamae & Syvia- I don't care! *look at each other* Hey- that's the second time... Owe me a Coke! ... Damn. Are you doing that on purpo-  
  
Raziel- SHUT UP! *both girls jump and stare at him guiltily* Find your own way over! We're going on ahead!  
  
And they left the vampires to pull strips of clothing off various interesting places on their bodies so they wouldn't burn their hands in crossing. Kain, as was to be expected, demanded to go first. Both the girls, determined not to miss this, pulled out binoculars and gaped at the sight of Kain sliding across the rope bridge... and what a sight it was!  


Anamae- *drooling* Hey! He's using his leather pants to get across!  
  
Syvia- *dazed* He has personalized underwear?  
  
Anamae- *squealing* I think that might be a thong!  
  
Raziel- Excuse me! *the girls look at him* Instead of looking at Kain and seeing what type of underwear he's wearing, why don't we find a way to open this damn door?  
  
The girls turned away from the vampires and back towards Raziel and the massive door he was pointing to. There was no way to get in, save using a battering ram. They could have used one from the plot holes, but there just wasn't enough room to actually build up speed to crash it down.  
  
Hylden Guard- Ha ha ha. At least we got smart and figured out something like that! Now they won't get in!  
  
Anamae- Okay, I think I know how to get in.  
  
Raziel- Oh really?  
  
Anamae- Follow me. We'll take the backdoor.  
  
The Reaver, Syvia and Bucky followed the girl around to the side of the building, going beyond the vision of the Hylden guard.  
  
Hylden Guard- Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that I'm gonna get blamed for something here?  
  
And wouldn't you believe it, there was a backdoor into the building. The screen door was practically hanging off its hinges and the screen part was broken, but other than that it was a perfectly good door.  
  
Raziel- And we walk through just like that?  
  
Syvia- *grinning* Why not?  
  
Kain- *in the middle of the 'bridge'* Hey! Wait for us!   


So after the vampires had gotten across the water and Kain had shimmied back into his leather pants, they carefully opened the back door, walked through, and closed it gently behind them.  
It promptly fell to the ground.   
  
Syvia- *flipping through the BO2 strategy guide* Okay, through this corridor, there's a bridge to the gate itself. The door should open automatically. Easy as pie.  
  
Anamae- Sounds good to me. ^_^  
  
There were no Hylden there, oddly enough, so the large group of vampires, two humans and squirrel progressed quickly to the Dimensional gate.  
  
The Sarafan lord was in the middle of a square walkway, taunting Janos, who was shackled hand and foot, his wings restrained by a large robe.   


Sarafan Lord- I'm going to toss you into the demon dimension and then you'll see what it's like to become what I have become! *shows his face*  
  
One of the wives screams and faints dead away while the others all shriek, say how awful he looks or that he should audition for the phantom in _Phantom of the Opera_. The Sarafan Lord turned to look at the new arrivals, holding the Soul Reaver in his hands.  
  
Kain- My sword! *charges*  
  
But because I don't like Kain's attitude very much, what do you say we pretend this happened to him? Kain charges the Sarafan Lord, Kain gets hit in the chest by the Sararfan Lord, Kain falls backwards and hits his head on the wall, Kain gets knocked out.

Everyone except the Sarafan Lord- *shaking their heads* Nahhhhh. 

*groans* Well then what do _you _suggest we do? But then the Sarafan Lord shot a force projectile from the reaver, which knocked Kain into the wall, causing him to hit his head and fall unconscious. 

Sarafan Lord- _I _liked it.   
  
Vorador- *groans at this turn of events* No matter! I will save you, sire! Charge! *Vorador charges forward with his wives*  
  
But the same thing happens again, only the Sarafan Lord uses the Soul Reaver on some of them. As blood sprayed across the chamber, hitting both Syvia and Anamae but not Bucky who was sheltering under the comatose Kain, Janos tried to get free.  
  
Janos- Damn this duct tape that was just invented! I actually had shares in this thing too!  
  
Sarafan Lord- Shut up! Now for your doom!  
  
Syvia- Hey, you forgot us!  
  
Anamae- Yeah, you can't forget us. We're the main characters in this fic!  
  
Janos- *shakes his head* Why do I have a feeling I know what is coming now?  
  
Syvia stepped up to the Sarafan Lord, looking up at his imposing figure and did the first thing that came to her mind. She bitch-slapped him across what was left of his cheek. Oh, you go, Syvia!  
  
Syvia- That was for all the vampires killed before and now. *slaps him again* And for Janos. *slaps him once more* And again because I like slapping you for the hell of it!  
  
Unfortunately the Sarafan Lord caught Syvia hand, twisted it behind her back, then brought the Soul Reaver's blade up under her chin.  
  
Syvia- Narrator, why are you doing this?!  
  
Sorry, Syvia, but I no longer control the fic!  
  
Syvia- What?  
  
Because we're in the Hylden dimension now, or the closest thing to it, I can't use my uber powers. I can only narrate now and hope something good will happen!  
  
Sarafan Lord- So should I slit your throat or impale you?  
  
Janos- Leave the girl alone!  
  
Syvia- Yeah, like _you_ can do anything here! Anamae, help!  
  
Unfortunatly Anamae wasn't around.  
  
Syvia- *groans* Not again.  
  
She had gone out to get candy from the vending machines nearby, but since she didn't carry any Nosgoth coinage on her, Anamae was forced to kick down the machine with her feet, then looted it quickly, cramming the candy into her pockets and filling up her arms with it. Then she quickly sauntered back into the main chamber, saw what was happening to Syvia and Janos, and proceeded to drop all of her food.  
  
Anamae- Oh crap.  
  
Janos- No kidding.  
  
C'mon Anamae, think of something daring and bold to use against the Sarafan Lord! You can do it.  
  
Anamae- *sheepishly* I don't have the walkthrough.  
  
...Damn you, girl. Damn you.  
  
Anamae- Oh shut up!  
  
Sarafan Lord- Who the hell are you talking to, the wind? Come to think of it, who was talking beforehand?  
  
Anamae- *light bulb* I got it! Don't worry, Syvia, I'll save you!  
  
And she proceeded to carry out her plan. Anamae charged at the Sarafan Lord, whooping loudly and insanely. She jumped kicked the Hylden Lord...and it would have worked had she been three feet closer! Anamae's sneaker did not connect with the Sarafan Lord's ugly face, but got the sword instead. The blade flew out of his grasp and Syvia, in that moment, was able to break free.  
  
Sarafan Lord- My source of power!  
  
Janos- Oh boy.  
  
The Soul Reaver flew through the air, spinning end over end accompanied by mystical music by the band. And it was heading straight for Janos.  
  
Janos- _Oh boy!_ *cringes*  
  
And it impaled him.  
  
Janos- I should have stayed...in the Device. *dies dramatically*  
  
Syvia and Anamae- *wailing* We killed Janos again!  
  
Sarafan Lord- Yes! *does a victory dance*  
  
Anamae- Now what happens, narrator?

===========================================

See, wasn't that a horrible ending for Janos?

Anamae- Well, he died pretty much the same way last time. Only there wasn't an expensive carpet.

Syvia- *wiping the pie off her face* We could have saved him if you hadn't tried to do that dumb jump kick.

Anamae- I thought I would have gotten it! It's not my fault that the Sarafan Lord was holding onto the sword so loosely. And you know, it would have done some good if you had tried to kick him while being held hostage.

Syvia- Kick him? _Kick him_?! The guy is completely covered in armour! I would have broken my foot.

Anamae- Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

Bucky- Chipp squikity nub nub squawk! (Girls, you might want to stop the fight and deal with the new problem that's going to be coming in the next chapter!)

Oh yes, they should indeed because that is where everything ends!!!


	13. Good News and Bad News But First the Goo...

Copyright © 2003 by Syvia & Demon Hunter Anamae. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: The few things we own are listed here; ourselves and the Narrator, and Damion, the vampire formerly known as Ah-choo. Bucky the former chipmunk was inspired by the squirrel from _The Emperor's New Groove_. Phoebe, the head warden, and Marie, the Sarafan Lord's daughter, belong to DHA. Touching without permission will lead to legal action. Have a nice day. :-D

Authors' Notes: 

Syvia- Alright, here it is, the climactic ending!

Anamae- In which a story is either made, or broken! 

Syvia- *nods* So people, we ask you for the following. Hold onto the socks, watch out for the nauseating twists and twirls, and hope that your computer doesn't break down while you're reading this chapter.

Anamae- We always want to make sure that you, the viewers and reviewers, will be comfortable. Even though we did kill Janos... again.

Syvia- You killed him this time around.

Anamae- You should have kicked the SL in the groin. I would have.

Syvia- You cut and ran for candy! 

As the two girls are now fighting over who should be blamed for the Anceint's death, I, the Narrator, shall take over reading the reviews. *clears throat* **RedCat8- ***sighs* Yes- Janos is dead again... perhaps he's just unlucky like that. *shrugs* Ah- three very good questions. Read on to get the answers!

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Concept of a Demon- _I _am not so much a Kain fan. Can't speak for the girls though. Uh.. Janos was shackled to a wall- with Duct tape (although he is rather slow). Thanks for the review!

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VladimirsAngel- Don't worry! DHA got videotape. ^_^ 

Kain- ... Oh _really_?

Eh... ha ha ha. No! No, I was just kidding. *nervous smile* Yes- poor Janos, always the scapegoat for every LoK game. He's marginalized in BO1, not mentioned at all in SR1, dies in SR2, takes a header into the demon dimension in BO2, and he ***********this text removed to preserve the mystery of LoK Defiance************** in the newest game. It's nuts.

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Sereda- Much obliged! Always nice to get more reviews. ^_^ *lol* Blame Anamae for 'Fausty', Syvia just followed her lead. *chuckles* 

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Mourning Bloodytears- Thanks for your praise. ^_^ To answer that question- the girls take turns, but I think Anamae enjoys it more. For some odd reason, she gets very giggly when she writes a death scene. Syvia on the other hand, is often amused by the innuendo.

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Blood of Angels- *lol* Aww- it _was _young Kain. Just think what older Kain would have looked like! *menacing growl from off to the side* Um- what I mean is... uh- Yes! That reaver through the chest must have hurt like a sonova gun. Thanks for the review. ^_^

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AkikoStar- Hello and welcome to the parody! Uh... *winces at the crying* thanks for the... review. *nervous smile*

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Chalcedony Blue- Oh lemme tell ya- my ears and nose are just freezing right off! *propels herself into a hat* ^_^ Much better. A person loses most of their body heat from their head... and since that's all I am- *shrugs* Anyway- thanks for the review. ^_^ Yes- this is the last chapter of this fic. Yes- there will be a third one, but not till after Defiance goes completely public. The girls plan to remake number 3 to parody Defiance instead of... the other one. So they're waiting. As for this- ENJOY THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!

~.........................Good News and Bad News (But First- the Good News)........................~

Sarafan Lord- *points and laughs at the girls* You- you thought... you could *laughing* save Janos? *laughing* You imbeciles! *bends with his arms around his waist, still laughing*  
  
He continued to berate the girls, not noticing the annoyed look they exchanged, or how they walked casually over to him. The Sarafan Lord looked up at the young women, then slowly stopped laughing.  
  
Syvia- You realize you're laying at the edge of the walkway, right?  
  
Anamae- And it would only take an inch of space to get rid of you.  
  
The Sarafan Lord looked at them worriedly, and turned to look into the poisonous-looking clouds of the gate.   
  
TSL- Uh- WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Anamae dusted off her hands and Syvia nodded once in satisfaction. Bucky ran over to them and crawled up his mistress' leg and shirt, where she cradled him sadly.  
  
Syvia- *looking around* Damn. *sighs*   
  
Anamae- *lightly rubbing her temple* We really failed, didn't we?  
  
Syvia- *looking at the impaled Janos* It seems that way.  
  
Anamae- Well that sucks! *glares*  
  
Bucky- Squick, squeakity squeak. (There is an upside to this.) *they look at him questioningly* Squeak, squeaky squeaker. (At least you killed Moebius.)  
  
Anamae and Syvia grinned suddenly. Bucky was right! They HAD indeed killed Moebius. ^_^  
  
???- Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that...  
  
Oh, _no_! The girls flinched at the voice, and turned around slowly. There, despite all the previous occurrences, stood the Time Streamer, staff in hand, grinning smugly. Syvia's eyes widened.   
  
Syvia- This is _really_ bad.  
  
Anamae- What? What's wrong?  
  
Syvia- You never played SR2, so you don't recognize him.  
  
Anamae- *peers at him* It looks like the normal Moebius to me.  
  
Syvia- *shakes her head, actually afraid* Most of the time he pretends to be harmless, but when he's in control, he shows it. The smirk says it all.  
  
Anamae looked again and grimaced. Moebius DID look different. He stood up straight and confident, without a hint of his previous bumbling personality. The smirk on his face was one of a supreme manipulator, who could and DID control everything around him.  
  
Bucky- Squeaken squeakity squeak.... (We're in deep %&*#)  
  
Anamae was not quite convinced.  
  
Anamae- What exactly do you think you can do to us? *raises an eyebrow*  
  
Moebius smirked, aimed his staff at one of the Cabal and shot a spear of lightening from the violet crystal that reduced the vampire to dust in a mere second.  
  
Anamae- *wide eyes* Oh.  
  
Moebius snickered.  
  
Syvia- Uh... we could use a little help here, narrator.  
  
I already told you! I can't really influence things right now!   
  
Syvia- Then what the hell good are you?!  
  
Syvia... I realize you're scared right now- but so help me, if you don't show a little more respect-!  
  
Moebius- Oh shut up. *zaps the Narrator*  
  
Ahhhhhhh! .....................  
  
Anamae- What did you do?!  
  
Moebius- I put her out of commission. *smirks* Allow me to take over the duty of narrating myself.   
  
Syvia- Oh shit...  
  
I advanced on the girls and their chipmunk, holding my staff in a threatening manner. A portal opened up behind them. They looked back in surprise and then at me.  
  
Anamae- What do you think you're DOING?  
  
Moebius- You two obviously have strange powers of manipulation available to you here in Nosgoth. I plan to make use of that.  
  
Anamae- Oh yeah? You and what army?!  
  
Moebius- Me and the rest of the Circle of Nine.  
  
Oh, things were not looking good for the heroines. I continued to back them towards the portal-  
  
When suddenly Raziel appeared!  
  
Moebius- What?! What are you doing back?!  
  
You think a measly little lightning bolt can take care of me? I still have no influence- but I'll take my old job back, thank you! ^_^ The protagonist trio cheered, and Raziel, with no ceremony and no hesitation, began swiping at Moebius.  
  
Raziel- You all forgot about me, didn't you?  
  
They fought in earnest, Moebius moving quickly for an old man, blocking Raziel's attacks with the staff- the crystal glowing to keep his Soul Reaver from manifesting.   
  
Syvia- Now _this_ is what I call an ending!  
  
Anamae- *grins*  
  
Raziel pulled the Reaver from Janos' chest and began to fight with it, eventually knocking Moebius to the ground. He stood triumphantly on Moebius' staff, pinning it to the ground, and placed the tip of the Reaver close to the Time Streamer's neck. Slice him open Razzy!  
  
Raziel- How unfortunate, Moebius. Malek isn't here to protect you this _time_.  
  
Moebius- *grinning still* Perhaps not. But it doesn't matter.  
  
Raziel- *pulling back the reaver to strike the final blow* Doesn't it?  
  
And then Moebius gave a tremendous yank to his staff, knocking Raz off his feet. He fell back with a cry, and knocked into the girls, who gasped and fell backwards, heads first, into the portal.

  
Syvia came to with a little hand shaking her cheek. She opened her eyes to Bucky's worried face, and groaned as she straightened up. Anamae moaned and sat up.  
  
Anamae- Oh man... *groans* I ache all over.  
  
Syvia- *softly* Where are we...?  
  
They looked around at the soft, emerald colored grass that stretched out around them and over the hill. A shout rang through the air and the girls turned to see-  
  
Anamae- *eyes widening* One of Moebius' vampire hunters...  
  
Syvia- Shit....   
  
They had fallen nearly four hundred years into the past.

===================================================

Anamae- time warps, always falling through time warps and loop holes and all that stuff.

Syvia- Could be worse. We could have been thrown back in time before there was even a working toilet.

Anamae- I don't think they have toilets here. Do you believe the people want to see what happens to us next?

Syvia- *shrugs her shoulders* You mean how long we can keep this comedy going and destroy the sacredness that is Legacy of Kain?

Anamae- *grins* Precisely!

All the LoK characters: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More notes:

Syvia- We'd just like to thank everyone for all their wonderful reviews. ^_^

Anamae- Keep a look out. :-) We'll be back with the third one when you least expect it!


End file.
